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Before each song on Eurovision they show a video of the performers doing something traditionally Austrian, waiting to see who's drawn the short straw and is kept in a basement
James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview.

"Well, Mr Bond, we have two positions we can offer you: one is giving lectures to children on the benefits of a career in military intelligence and the other is in the fabric staining department of a yarn mill."

"Do you expect me to talk?"

"No, Mr Bond, I expect you to dye."
Clever strategy by Belarus at the Eurovision tonight, giving the Russians twelve points.

Should keep the Russian tanks away for at least another twelve months.
I've just become an IT technician in Cardiff and i've learned one thing...

Never tell a Welshman he needs more RAM