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I just overheard my girlfriend telling her sister that she's taking her retarded boyfriend to the pub tonight.

I can't believe the bitch is cheating on me.
Armed robbery on a bank.

It can provide a life of luxury and relaxation, never having to worry about money, food, bills or amenities again.

And that's just if you get caught.
I was showing an American colleague who was over on a business conference the sights.

"Wow," he said. "I can't believe how small and compact everything is. Your cars, your buildings, your TV's, and even your food portions."

Then I introduced him to my wife. That shut him up.