I was browsing on my laptop looking for porn and picture came up saying, "Chrome cannot open this page."
They must have been stuck together.
My girlfriend said that she wasn't very comfortable performing oral sex.
So I bought her a pillow to kneel on.
The morning after pill was originally developed by vets to counteract the possibility of a pedigree pooch being accidentally inseminated by a stray mongrel. It wasn't for use by humans.
Thinking laterally, one can only assume that the eureka moment came one night, when a vet's daughter said 'Dad, this is Leroy....'
Welcome to Inappropriate Club
First, I'd just like to say that Jane's tits look amazing today.
My girlfriend went to a job interview at Nivea but they knocked her back.
They told her the best thing to do is not to give up and apply daily.
"Janet across the road has just called me in and showed me her tits, " I said to my wife.
"WHAT! I'll fucking kill her, " she yelled, and stormed out of the house.
Oh dear, I hope she doesn't damage her aviary.
My mate was telling me how he's planning to get his own back on his wife for having an affair.
"You know what they say about revenge Dave..eh?"
"Yes, it's a dish best served reheated to at least 75 degrees in the centre" I said.
Apparently, being a Food Safety Inspector makes me a boring cunt.
Did you hear about the suicidal high jumper?
He threw himself over a train.
I pissed the bed last night.
"Oh god" said my girlfriend "How have you managed this at your age?"
"I must of had too much to drink." I said.
"You can say that again" She said "You slept on the sofa."
BBC News: First human discovered in Ethiopia.
He was apparently a UN aid worker feeding the local nig nogs.