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O2's current marketing scheme advises us to "be more dog" so imagine my surprise then when I was asked to leave the Manchester store after sniffing a sales assistant's crotch and having a big shit in the corner.
Me and my friends have been playing the 'Parliamentary Drinking Game' recently.
Basically, you watch Question Time and down a drink every time an MP tells the truth.

I'm 5 years sober and bored out my fucking mind.