It was a struggle at first but then I made one a sergeant and the rest crawled up his arse.
They went fucking mad and threw me out of their bathroom.
Someone photoshopped her face onto my 12-year-old brother's body.
"You're not comfortable with babies, are you?" she said to me.
"What makes you say that?" I replied, after shaking his hand.
Do they even know what amendment actually means?!
"What's wrong with Toby daddy?" My daughter asked.
"It's an animal sixth sense," I explained. "They can detect the presence of evil."
"Is the house haunted?" She shivered.
"No," I replied, before turning to my wife. "Love! I think your mother's here already."
It wasn't till half an hour later I realised I'd been wanking into a pizza box.