Hottest Today

At first I tentatively slipped one finger in, it felt amazingly soft. Feeling braver I slid in a second - it was even better than before. Soon there was no stopping me - I added a third, then a forth, then I thrust my whole fucking hand right in there!

I love my new set of gloves.
Political correctness has gone mad. Apparently you can't even have an argument with your wife these days without getting in trouble. She promised me I could have a pint soon, but after standing with her for nearly an hour I was no closer to it happening. That's when I said, "Right, you, me and your fat arse are out of here". Everyone around us gasped like they'd never heard something like that before. I was just about to tell them to mind their own fucking business when a man butted in and said, "You may now kiss the bride".
It's been discovered that the moment a child forms the ability to think for themselves, is the exact same moment they're destined never to become a Muslim.
I was entering a singles bar last night when a bouncer started patting me down.

He said, "Have you got anything on you that you shouldn't have?"

"Yes," I replied, "My wedding ring ."