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"My dad had a fight with your dad, and owned him!" A black kid shouted to me in school.

"No, your dad beat my dad in a fight." I replied. "However, my great Grandad owned your great Grandad."

"How do you know that?" He laughed.

"Because I found the receipt from the auction."
When my new bride got home from work I ran her a bubble bath with scented candles and rose petals sprinkled on the water.

"Ooh," she exclaimed. "What's all this for?"

"Washing," I said. "Now you've moved here from Pakistan you're going to have to get used to it."
At the school where I work, the parents of a 7 year old Muslim girl refused to give consent for her to go on a school trip to St Paul's Cathedral.

Thankfully her husband overruled them.