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"I'm sorry," said the doctor when my wife had her scan, "your child will be slow in development and may well grow up to have criminal tendencies."

"Is there anything we can do?" we both asked.

"Yes," replied the doctor. "Move away from Liverpool."
My girlfriend told me that my Tom Petty obsession is getting out of hand, but I won't back down on this one.

No I won't


FBI agents arrest 6 FIFA officials on allegations of bribery and corruption.

Later in the day the lead FBI agent informs reporters that it has all been a misunderstanding and all charges are to be dropped, as he drove away in his brand new Bugatti Veyron.