Jeremy Corbyn is on record as supporting female-only train carriages to protect women from dangerous men on trains.
Using that same logic, I look forward to the day he declares his support for male-only motorways.
My wife came in out of the garden and said, "Three pairs of my knickers are missing off the line."
I said, "I know, the kids from next door have them."
She said, "Why have they got them?"
I said, "They were playing pirates and they wanted some sails for their galleon."
All ships can be submarines... Once
Yesterday was National Dog Day, today is National Burger Day.
Except in Korea, where they cut through the bullshit and combine the two.
"What makes you think you can criticise American gun laws, sitting over there in the UK?" I was asked on an internet forum.
"Because you're not allowed to take them on planes," I answered.
"Man who underwent surgery to look like Justin Bieber has been found dead."
I saw a spastic down the arcade today,
Of course, that's not what we call them nowadays.
I should have said "shopping mall."
What's black and doesn't work?
Bryce Williams' sense of perspective.
Under new "Honesty" guidelines, Channel 5's "Celebrity Big Brother" has now been renamed, "Big Brother".
Jeremy Corbyn has said he wants female-only train carriages. Great for rapists like me. Now I'll know exactly where to find them.