Tulisa has revealed that she tried to commit suicide by taking a cocktail of vodka and painkillers.
It didn't work as she barely put them in her mouth and definitely didn't swallow them.
I saw my son carrying a noose out into the garden.
"Have fun!" I shouted. Weird though, cowboys normally look happier than that.
"How did you get on?" I text my dyslexic friend after his boxing match.
"OK" he replied.
My wife turned to me and said, "I'm horny, want to go upstairs?"
Smiling, I said, "Definitely."
She replied, "Great. Throw my dildo down while you're up there."
The man who invented the iPhone battery has died.
His funeral will take plac
I've only recently returned to this website, and I'm a little confused today...
I thought Tuesdays were normally Malaysian Airline days.
George Osborne saw a little old lady struggling with two heavy bags of shopping,
"You shouldn't be struggling with those two bags of shopping, let me help," he said.
So he halved her pension so she could only afford one in future.
To be fair, Southampton aren't the first people to come back from a Summer break to find their valuables were taken by someone from Liverpool...
My black mate invited me round his house for dinner earlier. I was very surprised and impressed, I didn't expect him to live in such a nice house if I'm being honest.
He should get his front door sorted out though. We had to climb in through the upstairs window.
My boss called me into his office. "Why do you spend such a lot of time in the toilet?" he asked.
"I'm a slow reader," I said.