Just when Oscar Pistotius thought it couldn't get any worse.
He gets allocated the top bunk.
Tonight a friend asked if he could crash on my couch.
I had to explain to him I was married now and that's where I sleep.
Convicted rapist, Ched Evans, has said that he's a changed man and asked if he can play for Sheffield United again. They said 'no'.
He's putting his boots on.
After being told to 'fuck off and die', it made me wonder... Maybe I am an irritating cunt?
The Samaritans are normally nice.
I was trying to work out why none of the Liverpool fans were leaving at 3-0 down.
Then I realised none of them have work to go to tomorrow.
What's the difference between cocaine and ecstasy?
Fingering my anus doesn't bring me cocaine.
A teacher asks the class to form a sentence with the word Celebrities,so little Timmy says,
"Celebrities get treated better."
"That sentence is way too short,Timmy." says the teacher.
"I know," says Timmy, "Judge Masipa is useless."
I remember when you could say 'wog', 'sambo', 'darky', 'coon' and 'nigger' and it just seemed normal.
It was at the UKIP party conference in September to be precise.
Libyan intelligence are currently investigating reports that Muammar Gaddafi has in fact faked his death and has assumed the identity of Renee Zellweger.
During the shootings in Ottawa yesterday, hundreds of people could be seen running away from the scene.
Typical French Canadians.