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Hi all, this is Dave's wife here.

I've just been reading a few thing that Dave has posted on this site, and quite frankly, I'm disgusted. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. You blindly vote up jokes about me despite the fact that you've never met me and you know literally nothing about me! It's petty, childish and shows you have nothing better to do with your pathetic little lives.

Anyway, I'd like to clear up a few things. I'm not fat, I'm not stupid and Dave most certainly has not had sex with my sister. They have a healthy, platonic relationship. As a matter of fact, he's actually round her house right now mowing her lawn.

Regards,

Dave's wife.
I went to the solicitor to change my will today but it turns out I can't leave all my money to an imaginary friend unless they have a church.
I have had to sack my Ethiopian window cleaner.

Every time he needed to refill his bucket he walked to the next town to do it.