At first I tentatively slipped one finger in, it felt amazingly soft. Feeling braver I slid in a second - it was even better than before. Soon there was no stopping me - I added a third, then a forth, then I thrust my whole fucking hand right in there!
Political correctness has gone mad. Apparently you can't even have an argument with your wife these days without getting in trouble. She promised me I could have a pint soon, but after standing with her for nearly an hour I was no closer to it happening. That's when I said, "Right, you, me and your fat arse are out of here". Everyone around us gasped like they'd never heard something like that before. I was just about to tell them to mind their own fucking business when a man butted in and said, "You may now kiss the bride".