Decided to do a bit of sex role play with the wife. I went for the postman role.
Didn't go well when I delivered to the wrong address.
I think it's sad that a General in the Army has told The Mail that he is worried what people will think when he comes out as Gay.
It should be nobody else's business what he does with his privates.
Walking down the street this morning, we passed a tree with its branches rustling noisily..
"Wow, look at that." Exclaimed the wife, checking it out. "There's three cats up in that tree."
"So there is." I replied, seeing them. "Must be a nest up there."
"Fuck off, you daft cunt." She said, "Cats don't live in nests."
I went to a job interview and I was asked, "What sets you apart from everyone else?"
I said, "I look young for my age and I'm a hermaphrodite so you can fuck me over any way you want to."
Needless to say I start at BBC next week.
A selfie stick is like a tampon string.
Always a cunt at the other end.
Feminists are lobbying to have men banned from feeling hungry.
Because that's a natural human impulse and we're not allowed to have those, apparently.
My wife walked in on me wearing her clothes... Neither of us were that surprised really.
Why wouldn't she be wearing her clothes.
My old Gran used to tell stories about how she used to use Bisto instead of stockings.
Couldn't do that these days - they'd add a charge of racism to the one of bank robbery.
Baroness Warsi has said the Government has become 'suspicious of Muslims'.
Erm, so has everyone else.
My friend taught me how to label graphs. Legend