Hottest Today

My girlfriend read through a letter she received in the post.

"Why am I so unfortunate?" she shrieked.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Last week I was diagnosed with dyslexia and now, according to this letter, I have tiny tits," she continued.

I said, "Tinnitus. You have tinnitus."
I saw a crowd of people marching down the street waving banners saying 'Britain First'.

They'd obviously just won a racism contest.
Today is the American holiday of Thanksgiving and they have a tradition whereby you share some of the things you're thankful for, so here goes...

1- Being able to buy Kinder eggs.
2- Not getting shot when I go to school or the cinema etc.
3- Not being an American.
I totally support women who want to breastfeed in public, it's a totally natural thing to do, it's life sustaining. Just as long as they don't mind me looking while my hands are down my pants. It's perfectly natural and I won't be shamed into being told to leave the room and cover up while I express my life sustaining white liquid. That would be double standards.