Hottest Today

A black guy rode past me on a bicycle today.

I shouted, "Which white person did that belong to then?"

He stopped and looked at me in disgust and said, "I bet you couldn't say something more racist if you tried.."

I said, "Ok.. Which white person do you belong to then?"
I made an appointment at the Doctors today, he called me in and asked me to take a seat at his desk and said "What can I do for you Mr Smith?"

I pulled out a huge bag of coke and laid out a massive line on his desk and proceeded to snort it in a oner.

As I rubbed the remnants into my gums I sat back relaxed in my chair and said "I think I'm drinking too much"
"Dad, " said my son, "I don't know how to break this to you, I love you and I don't want to hurt you, but I have to be myself and I can't live a lie anymore. I'm gay. "

"Oh my God, thank fuck for that son, " I replied, "I thought you were going to say you were a vegan. "