Hottest Today

A man in Brussels walks into a library and asks for a book about UKIP.

The librarian says, "Get the fuck out."

The man replies, "That's the one."
"I think I've been bitten on my bum," said my wife, bending over and pulling up her skirt. "Can you see it?"

"Oh my God!" I said. "It's absolutely massive!"

"Is it?" she replied.

"Yes," I said, "it's going to take a while to check."