Tim Cook, CEO of Apple has come out as gay.
Explains why his phones are bent.
"Well, nan," I said. "This is where you will be staying eventually. Do you like it?"
"Will you fuck off and let me visit your granddad's grave in peace," she shouted.
I find the new blonde girl in our office really nosy and a tad creepy.
Last night she kept turning round to stare at me while I was following her home.
Apple's CEO Tim Cook has announced he is gay. Samsung's CEO is expected to announce tomorrow he is waaay gayer.
I was out shopping today when I saw my doctor collapse holding his chest.
"Please, help me!" he pleaded.
So I phoned the surgery and the receptionist told me someone will get back to me within 48 hours.
Everybody associates black people with rape, but they're also good at harvesting other types of grain, such as wheat, barley, oats and maize.
The Police have been asked for a comment following the explosion at the firework factory in Stafford.
Their chief said, "Ooooooohhhhh" and "Aaaaaaaaahhhh".
We were sat watching tv earlier, when my girlfriend said:
"I'm as horny as fuck, I'm going upstairs. I'll be back down when I've cum."
'What an idiot' I thought, 'we live in a flat'.
Apple employees used to bend over backwards for their ex-CEO, Steve Jobs.
Wonder if they will do the same for their current CEO, Tim Cook.
45% of Americans have difficulty swallowing pills.
But if you make the pills bigger and are also made out of beef, slap on some cheese and put between buns, the problem is solved.