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Hi is that American Express? The company that promises to find me an English speaking Doctor in an emergency.

Yes sir that's us how can we help.

Well I've had an accident but I'm struggling to communicate, nobody understands me.

Ok sir, please tell where you are.

Right, I'm in Queen Elizabeth Hospital Birmingham.
UK School children face a 'tough' new national curriculum, to prepare them for "life in modern Britain".
French has finally been replaced by Urdu, then?
I see Ryanair is now charging £10 for a blanket and pillow.

Well, at least you can get a good solid 8 hours sleep while you're waiting on the runway.
Manchester United getting Falcao and Di Maria is the equivalent of giving somebody who needs heart surgery fake tits. Looks brilliant, but isn't what's needed.