People seem shocked that
1. Nelson Mandela died aged 95
2. Tom Daley is queer
3. England probably won't win the World Cup.
I'm thinking of becoming a fortune teller.
I saw my mate walking down the street hand in hand with some fat girl this afternoon.
I asked him, "Is she your girlfriend?"
Smiling, he said, "What gave it away?"
I replied, "A zoo, by the looks of it."
I've bought my son a huge wooden horse for Christmas.
I got it from 'Troys R Us.'
There's no hiding from facts.
Although a church can be good camouflage.
Idris Elba, the actor who plays Nelson Mandela, was asked what drew him to the role.
He said, "Its apartheid always wanted".