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Hi is that American Express? The company that promises to find me an English speaking Doctor in an emergency.

Yes sir that's us how can we help.

Well I've had an accident but I'm struggling to communicate, nobody understands me.

Ok sir, please tell where you are.

Right, I'm in Queen Elizabeth Hospital Birmingham.
My daughter went out wearing her Burka today.

She's not a Muslim. It just makes a great disguise for robbing a bank.
Manchester United getting Falcao and Di Maria is the equivalent of giving somebody who needs heart surgery fake tits. Looks brilliant, but isn't what's needed.