Michael Barrymore said it's great news that Tom Daley is gay. He said, "It's great to finally meet someone who takes it up the arse and can swim."
Why did the MP cross the road?
I don't know, but he claimed 80 quid expenses for the journey.
Derek Acorah allegedly refused to give a breathalyser sample for fear of the police making up a "false reading".
Doesn't like it when the boot's on the other foot, does he?
David Moyes walks into a turkey farm.
"You'll be gone by Boxing Day," said a turkey.
Michael Adebolajo apparently killed Lee Rigby on in the name of Allah. If I ever murdered someone I'd do it in the name Spiderman. Then we would both use a fictional character as an excuse.