Hottest Today

A few weeks after having an operation, I saw my doctor about my convalescence.
"What have you been doing?" he asked.
"Just sitting around all day, drinking tea, surfing the internet, texting my mates," I said.
He got angry and said, "I told you not to return to your job at the council offices for at least two months."
Me and my mates were busy robbing this CD store when the cops turned up.

Dave grabbed all the pop CD's and ran off.
Steve grabbed the rock CD's and also ran off.
Dan grabbed the Jazz and followed suit.
I was forced to take the rap.
My wife bought a tube of KY gel from the chemists and I thought after all these years she was finally going to let me do her up the arse.

I waited in bed in anticipation and all I can say is, it's a shit way of finding out your son is gay.
I stormed into the bosses office. "I can't believe you've promoted that wanker Morton! You know I'm more qualified than him!"

"I had no choice," he apologised. "My hands were well and truly tied."

"Orders from Head Office?" I asked.

"Nope. He's got photos of me in a bondage session with his missus."