I've just been knocked over on a pedestrian crossing.
The guy apologised then helped me flip my Smart Car.
In at number 3) it's Blair.
New at number 2) it's Ritchie.
And a new entry at number 1) we have Messi.
It's the Lionel countdown.
There's definitely a stigma attached to buying flowers, I thought to myself at the checkout.
"Oh, you," said the cashier, rolling her eyes. "What have you done?"
"Killed a cyclist," I replied.
I came home tonight with a cut lip, bloody nose, and two black eyes.
I can't believe the butcher just throws this stuff away.
My wife had been seriously ill in hospital for twelve months and our teenage daughter was in absolute hysterics when she died.
Hardly surprising, I'd had a year to work on the jokes.
Just seen Mike and the Mechanics' tour bus broken down at the side of the road.
Only nine donors registered to the National Sperm Bank in the first year.
Obviously nobody else gives a toss.
The Great British Bake-Off host, Sue Perkins, has suffered with a brain tumour for the last eight years which has "stopped me having a baby."
I'm no brain surgeon, Sue, but I think not liking cock played more of a part.
If the National Sperm Bank has only 9 registered donors, why don't they double the fee for anyone who can ejaculate into a beaker from 5 feet?.
It's a long shot but it might just work.
Say what you want about my forehead wrinkles, they're making headlines.