Hottest Today

I went to see my doctor this morning.

"Some bastard decided to graffiti my house last night!" I raged.

"So why are you telling me?" he asked.

"I can't understand the writing," I replied, "Was it you?"
All these chicks need to stop photoshopping their pics before putting them up on facebook.

In case any one goes missing, how are we supposed to find her when she looks like Scarlett Johansson on facebook and Danny Trejo in real life?
I went to a modern art exhibition today.

I spent hours looking at the paintings trying to work out whether they'd been vandalised or not.