Apparently, black students in South Africa have pelted Cecil John Rhodes's statue with their own faeces recently because back in 1896, he called Africans 'Sub human'
Yeah, that'll teach the bastard just how wrong he was.
"I can see you in the middle of a huge storm, a log cabin and fir trees are standing behind you," said the old gypsy woman, staring into her crystal ball.
"I think that's actually a snow globe you've picked up there," I told her.
A producer walked in on me fucking a child, so I punched him in the face.
The BBC can't decide whether they should fire me or make me Director-General.
Ryanair have made changes to their safety policies today in the wake of the French Alps crash.
Apparently, the pilots will have to piss in a plastic bottle just like the rest of the passengers.
Investigators say the Germanwings copilot suffered from manic depression.
One minute he was up, then he was down.
150 people died on a Germanwings flight because some selfish little cunt wouldn't open a door.
If only Oscar Pistorius had been on board.
Anyone had a bottle of Evian lately?
Tastes a little plane.
Could you just imagine what was going through the pilot's head on the Germanwings plane as he tried to break the cockpit door down?
Probably the drinks trolley...
Why are pikeys like cows?
When they see a gap in a hedge, they go through it and then set up camp in the field.
Two weeks later, they fuck off in herds leaving nothing but shit everywhere.