I was surprised to read that an African doctor treating Ebola patients had died from the disease.
Surely he could have stayed a safe distance from the patient while he danced and waved his magic bone.
"Dad, what does 'ignoramus' mean?"
"I've no idea son. Probably some type of dinosaur."
As a proud Scotsman I'd like to say how disappointed I was to hear Usain Bolt describing the Commonwealth Games as "a bit shit" When you're in Scotland Usain, show a bit of respect and remember its not shit, it's shite.
It was my anniversary last night.
As my wife peeled the cloth away she said, "Da dah! Your dinner is served."
"I'm not eating that," I replied, "It looks and smells revolting."
She said, "Just taste it."
"No fucking chance." I replied, "Put those knickers back on."
Unexploded shell lands in Gaza school playground.
The Israelis have asked for it back.
The last time this many players left Southampton, it was the fucking band on the Titanic.
Tonight, live in Eastbourne.
HSBC closes bank accounts belonging to Muslim clients in the UK.
I don't think muslims should bank at HSBC - they should bank somewhere that reflects their own attitudes and culture better - May I suggest 900BC.
"Tower Hamlets's Muslim mayor sparked a storm of protest tonight after raising the Palestinian flag over the town hall, in solidarity with Gaza"
Fuck! I can't wait to see how the Mayor of Tottenham responds to this one.
I just got a job at the BBC.
But I had to fuck two 10 years old to get it though. 8