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I was interviewing a girl for Pornhub yesterday.

"So this is just a website admin role?" she asked.

"Yes, it will be office based."

"So no having to suck anyone off or fuck someone on camera?"

"Well, that depends on how much you want the job," I said.
At a dinner party the other night my wife tried to embarrass me by telling our guests about an argument that's been ongoing in our house hold.

'Yes' she said smugly 'he's well trained, I have constantly reminded him to put the seat down after he's used the toilet and like a good little boy, he now does as he's told'

They all started laughing at me then one of her friends turned to me and said 'ha, totally pussy whipped aren't you!'

'No not really' I replied calmly 'I'v just been pissing in the sink for the last 6 months'
I spoke to my mate who works in body art.

I said, "Have you ever done a henna tattoo?"

He said, "No mate, only humans."