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"Steven Gerrard, after an emotional last game against Stoke have you anything to say to the fans? "

"Yeah, thank fuck I don't play for those useless cunts anymore. "
I've just become an IT technician in Cardiff and i've learned one thing...

Never tell a Welshman he needs more RAM
My daughter brought her boyfriend round to meet me earlier, the rude cunt wouldn't even look me in the eye.

He just sat there, staring at my knife.