Hottest Today

My job interview didn't go too well last week.

'WE ARE LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY WHO WOULD LIKE TO BE PART OF A TEAM'

I painted myself black, wore loads of jewellery, got my hair cut into a Mohawk and I still didn't get it.
I stole a phone today. As I was running away it rang, I looked at it and 'Dad' was the caller ID.

That bastard always seems to know when I am up to no good.
The situation with all these desperate African immigrants fleeing persecution is getting a bit ridiculous now.

I've just got back from Calais to find a family of lions from Hwange National Park hiding in my boot.