When the inventor of the USB stick dies they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.
My wife said she wanted a Brazilian wax, I said she'd be better off with a gaza strip after the pounding it's taken over the years.
A teenager has been arrested after lying about being molested by a recently convicted celebrity.
Sounds like the boy who cried Rolf.
While trying to shake a long piece of Sellotape off of my finger this afternoon, I inadvertently won a bronze medal in the rhythmic gymnastics at the Commonwealth Games.
I phoned my girlfriend, and said, "I was thinking dinner in my place tonight, think you can make it?"
She said, "I'll be there at seven, babe."
I replied, "Make it five, the dinner won't prepare itself."
The Guinness world record association, has congratulated Orlando Bloom, after regrettably fisting the largest pussy on the planet.
BBC news: Which form of execution goes wrong in the US most often?
If I had to pick one I would say the English language...
So Orlando Bloom punched Justin Bieber..
It's not the first time he's been involved in a fight with a ring obsessed dwarf.
Orlando Bloom punched Justin Bieber.
Bieber was stunned.
He thought a fist was only for his arse.
Bear Grylls wife has said that she had butterflies in her stomach when they first met.
That's weird. He had raccoon shit in his.