Jürgen Klopp, "I'll have people climbing all over each other to come and watch Liverpool..."
Too soon, Jürgen, too soon.
A black guy rode past me on a bicycle today.
I shouted, "Which white person did that belong to then?"
He stopped and looked at me in disgust and said, "I bet you couldn't say something more racist if you tried.."
I said, "Ok.. Which white person do you belong to then?"
Two blokes in a pub in Scotland,
"I see we're out of Europe then, " said the first.
"Europe? " replied the second, "how the fuck did we manage that? we couldn't even get out of Britain. "
It's now confirmed gun crime is out of control in America.
White kids are getting killed as well now.
Just visited a shooting gallery in the United States.
Or as the locals like to call it.A College.
Jurgen Klopp has stated that Liverpool will be his greatest challenge.
That may be true Jurgen, but you have to manage the football club as well.
"Why did you leave your previous job?"
"Because once they fire you they won't let you stay."
I made an appointment at the Doctors today, he called me in and asked me to take a seat at his desk and said "What can I do for you Mr Smith?"
I pulled out a huge bag of coke and laid out a massive line on his desk and proceeded to snort it in a oner.
As I rubbed the remnants into my gums I sat back relaxed in my chair and said "I think I'm drinking too much"
News: Putin celebrates 63rd birthday.
Although it got awkward when two of his friends got him the same country.
"Dad, " said my son, "I don't know how to break this to you, I love you and I don't want to hurt you, but I have to be myself and I can't live a lie anymore. I'm gay. "
"Oh my God, thank fuck for that son, " I replied, "I thought you were going to say you were a vegan. "