A study in Cosmopolitan magazine has found that obese men make better lovers, lasting an average of 48 minutes.
However, 46 of those minutes are spent looking for their cocks.
As a gift to my girlfriend, Tola, I tattooed her name on myself in the mirror.
I think that says alot.
I had a Scouse girl babysit for me once. Never again!
I said on my way out, "Help yourself to anything in the kitchen."
Bitch took the microwave.
Fair play to the guy who invented Copy & Paste
Ironically an original idea
I took part in a Police identity parade today.
The ones in uniform were the easiest to spot.
As a kid I thought Doctor Who was real, my mum would ring for an appointment and the receptionist would tell my mum on the phone,
"I can give you an appointment with Doctor Praknadhaskran, "
And my mother would always reply,
"Doctor Who, yes that will be fine thanks. "
Insurance company "Sheila's Wheels" apparently wants pink coloured driving lanes for women only, because 114.190 men were involved in traffic accidents as opposed to 70.470 women.
By that logic, we should have separate lanes for drunk people because in only 17% of all traffic accidents, alcohol was involved.
I've been seeing this homeless girl recently and I think I'm starting to like her.
So today I took her in for a date.
The driver of the container truck found to be carrying illegal immigrants at Tilbury docks at the weekend is now facing charges of 'hiding Sikhs.'
My wife was furious when she found out I gave a girl mouth to mouth resuscitation.
For two hours.