HUSBAND: Darling, if I lost my sight, would you be my eyes for me?
WIFE: Of course I would sweetheart.
HUSBAND: If I lost my hearing, would you be my ears?
WIFE: Absolutely honey.
HUSBAND: If I lost my legs would you push me in a wheelchair?
WIFE: You don't need to ask. Why all the questions?
HUSBAND: I just sprained my wrist.....
I turned to my colleague and asked, "Can you smell burning?"
23 years we've worked together at the Crematorium and that joke never gets old.
Thursday was World Vegetarian Day.
They were planning a parade, but no one had any energy.
'White Men Can't Jump'
But we can get a taxi at three in the morning.
I hate the washing machine when it's on spin cycle.
You should listen to it trying to justify the Iraq war.
A family of Muslims died in a sing-off.
That's the way Allah, Allah, I like it.
I'm off sex for a month.
The wife's giving up alcohol for October.
"Well Miss that's the cleanest vagina I have ever seen. " Said the gynecologist.
"Well thank you doctor, " I replied, "It's my boyfriend who does it. He has downs syndrome, and I don't have a window in my bedroom. "
"What's the rugby score?" I shouted to my wife from the kitchen.
"Well, England were winning, but Australia are scoring a point every second," she shouted.
"The score's the one above the timer," I shouted back.
England out of the rugby world cup. Kit sponsors VW are said to be fuming.