Just got FIFA 16 (early on the Blatter market) and I have to say it is incredibly realistic.
As soon as I put the disk it says "Game is corrupt", but after that it keeps going as usual anyway.
So, Fifa 16 will feature women's teams.
It will be the first time I get to scout a 15-year-old girl without fear of getting locked up.
My holiday home has been burnt down by Welsh Nationalists.
Which came as a bit of a surprise, to be honest, as it's in Spain.
England may withdraw from the next world cup over the FIFA scandal.
That's disgusting. Those players need those three games.
I suspect that once he's elected, Sepp Blatter will answer his American critics.
By awarding the next two world cups to North Korea and Iran.
My wife came home from work early to find me strutting around the house in her new dress and high heels. She shook her head in horror and burst into tears.
"I'm sorry, love," I said, embarrassed. "It's not something I do all the time. I just experiment now and then."
"I don't care about your fetishes," she sobbed, "but I must be a right fat cunt if you can get into my clothes."
In the aftermath of the recent scandals, Sepp Blatter has claimed he knows how to fix FIFA.
He couldn't have worded that better if he'd tried.
When I was crossing the border, a customs agent asked me if there were any weapons in my car.
"What do you need?" I replied.
It's such a shame that 79-year-old Sepp Blatter has been re-elected for another four years as President of FIFA.
He just doesn't embody the modern, democratic values of the sport like that nice Arab prince from the Jordanian royal family.
I think Sepp Blatter was absolutely the right choice to lead FIFA, and anyone who disagrees, hasn't seen my new Rolex yet.