Bin Laden's close friend, Bin Lorry, kills six in Glasgow.
My girlfriend just got a very interesting fortune cookie:
'Every exit is an entrance to a new experience'
"Wow" she said, "are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
I fucking hope so.
I've got a Katie Price advent calendar...
The flaps are already open.
According to French police, the man who drove a car into a crowd of people whilst shouting: "Allahu Akbar!" was 'mentally unbalanced'.
Of course he was, he believed in religion.
I was telling my colleague at work how I haven't had sex in months.
"I think I may know someone who can help," she said, whilst slowly rubbing her crotch.
After 15 minutes, I thought: "How much longer do I have to wait for the answer?"
I have invented a bullshit detector and it works great, anytime someone starts talking crap to me, a klaxon sounds.
Although it did cause me some embarrassment in church last Sunday.
Not only was Ally McCoist a terrible manager for Rangers,
His first day as a Glasgow bin man was pretty shocking too.
My father warned me about anal sex.
He said "This is gonna hurt a bit son"
Last night i saw a bloke in my garden wearing a rugby shirt, golfing trousers and tennis shoes, I shouted "Hey what's your fucking game".
Homosexuality makes me sick.
It should be idemsexuality or homophilia. Mixing Greek and Latin roots is just plain wrong.