Bob Geldof has helped save the lives of millions of Africans.
Although his record isn't quite so good with white people.
It's been 5 years to the day since I quit drinking.
And 4 years, 364 1/2 days since I started again.
God must have been black-
We are all his children yet none of us have ever seen him.
As the PE lesson was about to start, I gave the teacher a note from my dad.
"Okay, James," she said. "Can you please tell your dad that I have a boyfriend and I don't fuck on a first date?"
The NHS is sending 30 GPs to Sierra Leone to help the fight against Ebola.
They have left their receptionists at home because they actually want to see patients.
A teacher asks her primary school class about their beliefs on the meaning of life.
"Jimmy, what does life mean to you?"
"Health and happiness Miss," replies Jimmy.
"Dave, what does life mean to you?"
"Money and girls Miss," replies Dave.
"And Jamal, what does life mean to you?"
"25 years Miss," replies Jamal.
The less of a toss you give, the happier you'll be.
Unless you're a prostitute.
I'm just back from Conspiracy Theory Club.
You won't believe the first rule.
I was just watching some excellent lesbian Thai porn, Just three horny girls, getting dirty with each other, giving each other blow jobs...
My wife and I got divorced because I gained a few pounds. Well, actually more than just a few pounds.
I won the lottery.