Hottest Today

Very disappointing watching England vs Japan in the Women's World Cup semis. I think we were all hoping to see the nips out at the end of the game.
I thought the man who was sat next to me on the tube might have been a terrorist. But then I remembered that terrorists were incredibly organised individuals who plan their attacks down to the finest detail.

"He can't have been, then", I thought. "The stupid fucker's got off and forgotten his back pack".
My girlfriend stripped off and had just started to go down on me when she suddenly recoiled..

"Ugh, fucking hell, that's disgusting." She said. "What's that foul taste?"

"I don't know what you mean." I replied. "I've just had a shower."

"Yeah, that'll be it." She said, pulling her burka back on. "Soap."