Hottest Today

My girlfriend just got a very interesting fortune cookie:

'Every exit is an entrance to a new experience'

"Wow" she said, "are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

I fucking hope so.
According to French police, the man who drove a car into a crowd of people whilst shouting: "Allahu Akbar!" was 'mentally unbalanced'.

Of course he was, he believed in religion.
I was telling my colleague at work how I haven't had sex in months.

"I think I may know someone who can help," she said, whilst slowly rubbing her crotch.

After 15 minutes, I thought: "How much longer do I have to wait for the answer?"
I have invented a bullshit detector and it works great, anytime someone starts talking crap to me, a klaxon sounds.

Although it did cause me some embarrassment in church last Sunday.