Hottest Today

"Being gay is the greatest gift I have been given" - Tim Cook

This is a man who presumably would've been given the new iPhone 6 for free. It comes to something when even the CEO of apple is saying he'd rather be gay than have an iPhone 6.
After our elderly Labrador died, my wife said it would be hard getting used to life without him.

So to make her feel better, I got up early this morning, and did a huge shit on the carpet.
"Excuse me sir, can I please see inside your rucksack?" I asked a Muslim at the airport.

"What do you need to see for?" he asked.

"C-4! He said he has C-4!" I shouted, clearing people from the terminal.