What does a Korean need when they're taking their dog out?
They say the best way to get rid of an unwanted erection is to think about your parents.
Unless you're from Norfolk.
My wife said, "It's final, we're going to my mother's Halloween party whether you like it or not. So you better decide what you're going to be."
I said, "Fucking pissed."
I was interviewing a girl for Pornhub yesterday.
"So this is just a website admin role?" she asked.
"Yes, it will be office based."
"So no having to suck anyone off or fuck someone on camera?"
"Well, that depends on how much you want the job," I said.
What's the difference between sex and hide and seek?
Hide and seek I can count to ten before shouting, "I'm coming ready or not!"
At a dinner party the other night my wife tried to embarrass me by telling our guests about an argument that's been ongoing in our house hold.
'Yes' she said smugly 'he's well trained, I have constantly reminded him to put the seat down after he's used the toilet and like a good little boy, he now does as he's told'
They all started laughing at me then one of her friends turned to me and said 'ha, totally pussy whipped aren't you!'
'No not really' I replied calmly 'I'v just been pissing in the sink for the last 6 months'
I spoke to my mate who works in body art.
I said, "Have you ever done a henna tattoo?"
He said, "No mate, only humans."
The next station is Kew, where this train will germinate.
What's better than stretching your ear lobe to 3 inches.
Small Polish person.