I left my car in a car park the other day, when I came back to it the bumper and rear lights were all smashed up. Then I found this note under the wiper. It said:
I just accidentally reversed into your car.
Quite a few people saw me do it.
They think I'm leaving my name and details.
Well, I'm not.
Police have finally admitted they got it wrong in the shooting of Jean Charles de Menez.
It was his naughty brother Dennis they were after.
I got stopped by a woman in the street today.
She said, "Excuse me, sir, have you had an accident in the last three years that wasn't your fault?"
I said, "Yes, she's nearly 2 now."
"UK Students Die In Safari Crash"
I bet they wished they'd just stuck with Internet Explorer now.
My Girlfriend had a horrific car accident and has been left in a wheelchair for the rest of her life.
A shame really - I'll miss her.
The Travolta family love their computers and games consoles.
I bet they didn't like the Wii fit their son had though.
I'm quite surprised that no one's heard about the man who died when he crashed his WH Smiths lorry...
He was all over the papers.
I got one of those Dyson Ball Cleaners for Christmas.
Unfortunately, I misunderstood what it was, which is why I'm now in casualty...
A lorry carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed on the M1 yesterday, shedding its load across the carriageway.
Onlookers are said to be stunned, bewildered, dumbfounded, astonished, shocked, flabbergasted, startled, speechless and amazed.
A radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.
DJ: "96 FM here, what's your name?"
Caller: "Hi, my name's Dave."
DJ: "Dave, what's your word?"
Caller: "Goan... spelt G-O-A-N pronounced 'go-an'."
DJ: "You are correct, Dave, 'goan' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?"
Caller: "Goan fuck yourself!"
The DJ cut the caller off and took other calls, all unsuccessful until:
DJ: "96 FM, what's your name?"
Caller: "Hi, me name's Jeff."
DJ: "Jeff, what's your word?"
Caller: "Smee, spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced 'smee'."
DJ: "You are correct, Jeff, 'smee' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?"
Caller: "Smee again! Goan fuck yourself!"