Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.
I was checking into a hotel the other week. At the counter, a guy in front of me said curtly to the receptionist, "I hope the porn channel is disabled."
Unbelievable what some people are into.
I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special.
What is better than winning a medal at the Paraplegic Olympics?
Having two legs.
I saw a guy in a wheelchair getting told what to do today.
I said, "Don't you just hate being pushed around?"
One of my nipples is a different colour from the other two. Is this normal?
After nearly breaking my neck on a pair of bright pink roller skates on the stairs, I shouted at my son, "Are these yours?!"
He said, "Well, obviously they're not mine."
"Oh yeah, of course they aren't," I replied. Then laughed at him in his little wheelchair.
I was asked to run a marathon and I said no chance.
Then I was told it was for spastic and blind kids and I thought 'Fuck it. I could win that!'
Call it a hunch, but I'm pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.
I can sum myself up in three words.
Kind, funny, smart and good with numbers.