Obesity Jokes

After queueing up for almost half an hour in the chemist last week, I finally got to the counter and the woman looked at me and said, "I'm really sorry about your wait."

In a rattled state, I replied, "You're not so fucking skinny yourself, actually."
I saw a fat bird down the pub, her T-shirt said - Watch out, I'm a maneater!

I went up to her and said, "Excuse me, love... about your t-shirt slogan."

She stopped me and angrily said, "Oh, let me guess: you want to know how many men I've eaten?! Well, I can't help my size, you know!"

I said, "Actually, no, I wasn't going to say that at all."

She looked happier and smiled as she said, "Oh yes, what did you want to say then?"

"That's not how you spell Manatee."
I met a popstar in a nightclub last night and we ended up getting really drunk and going back to my place.

She was all over me in the taxi, stroking and caressing my body and whispering filth into my ear,
but as soon as she got through the front door she stiffened up and her attitude changed completely.

"What the fuck is that pathetic little thing?" she demanded. "How the hell do you think that you're going to satisfy me with that?"

"I'm sorry, Adele," I replied, "it's the biggest fridge I could afford."
There was a local family, whose daughter was frankly very overweight and unattractive. I remember one day her mum came into school and spoke during assembly, explaining that her daughter could no longer stand the bullying and had hanged herself the night before.

The whole school was in shocked silence, then one lad shouted out, "fucking hell, it must have been a strong rope."