Smoking Jokes

Lady: Do you smoke?
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: £10.00
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: 15 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost £10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at £900. In one year, it would be £10,800 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend £10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at £162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your fucking Ferrari then?
I was in B&Q the other day and had a rolled up cigarette behind my ear.

The bloke behind the counter said, "Sorry sir, you can't smoke that in here."

I looked blankly at him for 10 seconds then replied.

"I have a hole in my arse, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna shit on the conveyor belt does it?"