A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
I signed Robert Enke on Football Manager 2010 on Monday and he goes and tops himself on Tuesday.
Anyways I'm in negotiations with Cristiano Ronaldo at the moment.
Wish me luck.
I asked the Librarian for a book on suicide.
"You're in luck." she said, "Some bald bloke's just brought it back."
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
Kurt Cobain killed himself one month after Justin Bieber was born..
I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today.
When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane.
What's the difference between a practical joke and a temperature?
Nurses can take a temperature.
I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.
My wife and I planned to commit suicide together.
But once she'd killed herself, things suddenly looked a lot more positive.
A man walks into a library covered in bruises, cuts everywhere and strangle marks around his neck. He slams a book down on the counter and says,
"This is fucking useless."