??? Other Jokes
Both my next door neighbours have been arrested as part of the European-wide raids against online paedophiles.
Fuck knows where I'm going to get my free wi-fi now.
Liam Gill can't have been very popular, he can't even crash Sickipedia.
Ryan Dunn died the way he lived... with car parts in his anus.
Tim Cook in charge of Apple? Wait for the headlines....
''Cook promises to improve Apple turnover''.
Just saw in the news today a Catholic priest has been sentenced to jail for sexually abusing children.
In other news CNN has obtained footage of a bear shitting in the woods.
News Update: "Baby dies in subway accident"
I'm guessing the coffin is a footlong.
Police are asking for witnesses tonight after an elderly black man had several shots fired at him from close range and was left badly shaken in what is being described as a race related incident. Several Germans were thought to be responsible and the victim a Mr David James of Porstmouth was taken to hospital with mild shock.
It is also alleged that at the time of the shootings ten bystanders looked on and did nothing to help Mr James.
The Sun: "Gunman shoots innocent civilian, then laughs"
The Daily Telegraph: "Gunman laughs as he shoots victim"
The Daily Mail: "Nigger! Trigger! Snigger!"
My gold plated butt-plug business is being sued by Apple.
Apparently they have a patent for overpriced crap for arseholes.
I was watching the Chinese compete in the gymnastics the other night.
My missus said, "Wow, these Chinese are great at everything. I bet you can't name an event that they are not good at?"
I replied, "5th February 2004 - Morecambe Bay - picking cockles." 399