Hottest Jokes Today

The World-Famous Sickipedia Newsletter

Want to be kept up to date on the latest jokes, news and the rest of the shit that's happening on Sickipedia?

Join the newsletter now and get it all sent to your inbox!

I know it's normal for towns to name places to reflect their heritage, but I think it's a bit much for Manchester to have Bury, Rusholme and Hyde.
Click Here For More From Today

Hottest Jokes This Week

My daughter asked me if she could hire a limo to take her to her prom and for some money to buy a copy of her yearbook.

"Hold on," I said. "I just need to consult the Atlas."

"How's that gonna help?" she asked.

"It's not," I said. "I just want to confirm that I'm still living in fucking Britain."
Click Here For More From This Week

Hottest Jokes This Month

The UK Government has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country if they vote for independence.

I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.
I was watching the news this morning when the presenter said;

"A man has been arrested after half a million indecent images of children were found at his home in Bradford. Our reporter Gary O'Donoghue has more."

Gary, you filthy bastard!!
I heard a funny noise whilst in bed last night so I jumped up and did all the usual stuff - checked the front door, checked the windows, shot my girlfriend five times, checked the back door.

Turns out there was no one there!
What do black guys have that's longer than most white men's and gets even bigger when they touch a woman?

Their criminal record.
Click Here For More From This Month

Newest Jokes Today

I got my daughter new cat shaped tent today.

It's pretty small inside. Barely enough space to swing a room.
The Welsh originally invented the condom using a length of sheep's intestine.

The English refined the invention by first taking the intestine out of the sheep.
My father never had much time for me as a child due to the family Kayak business he dedicated his life too. I remember an emotional and rare moment once when we hiked together through the mountain forest near our home, he stood next too me, took in the dramatic view, places his arm around me and said "son, one day all this could be oars"
In 2002, David Moyes promised Everton fans that he would make them a better team than Manchester United.

In 2014, he has finally succeeded.
Some bookmakers have Carlo Ancelotti, current manager of Real Madrid, as one of the favourites to be the next manager of Manchester United.

I'm guessing they also have Ashton Kutcher, current fucker of Mila Kunis, to be the next boyfriend of Susan Boyle.
Paddy said to Mick, "Do you know Mick, my son's teacher had the cheek to tell me that my son isn't very bright?"

Mick replied, "So what did you do, Paddy?"

Paddy said, "I bought him a UV vest."
I heard David Moyes was sacked because he lost the dressing room.

United could've saved millions in compensation by putting a little sign on the door.
Ryan Giggs has been given the roll of caretaker manager as he has the complete respect of the dressing room.

No wonder if anyone dares to lose his respect he will just shag there wife.
Click Here For More From Today