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At least 1,400 children were sexually abused in Rotherham, a report has said today

And it seems another 11 got fucked in Milton Keynes tonight...
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Random 5!

A Doctor goes into a hospital ward to see a pregnant lady, who has had terrible stomach cramps and fears for the unborn child...
"Well, my dear, there's good news and bad news. We've run some tests and the bad news is that your baby has ginger hair."
"Oh no!" she replies. "What's the good news?"
The Doctor replies, "It's dead."
It's my birthday today and, as a special treat, my wife has said I can have anything I want tonight.
Her arse will be red raw tomorrow.

Curry for dinner.
The Apprentice winner has just been announced. It must have been very hard for Sir Alan to make a decision with two very strong female applicants in the final.

Anyway, the bird with the biggest tits won it.
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Hottest Jokes This Week

We've all been there at the hairdresser: you keep telling her to take more off and then, before you know it...

She's naked and you don't know what to do with the knife.
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Hottest Jokes This Month

An Arab walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by wearing a Jewish cap, a prayer shawl/tzitzis and traditional locks of hair.

He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish. so he shouts over to the bartender loudly enough that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for that Jew over there".

Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Jew gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice.

This infuriates the Arab. He once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Jew.

As before, this does not seem to bother the Jewish guy. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"

The Arab asks the bartender, "What's the hell is the matter with that Jew?
I've ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the silly bugger does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?"

"Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place."
For anyone unclear with who Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber are here is a brief description.

Orlando Bloom is a 37 year old English actor best known for his roles in The Lord Of The Rings trilogy and Pirates Of The Caribbean. He also had roles in the award wining films 'Black Hawk Down', 'Troy' and 'Kingdom of Heaven'

And Justin Bieber is a cunt
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Newest Jokes Today

After Celtic went out of the Champions league for a second time last night it's been announced that they are to be re-instated once again.

It's been revealed a Maribor player who came on as a sub had refused to carry out the Ice Bucket Challenge.
The wife shivered in front of the camera, after having had a bucket of iced water poured over her head.

"That was awesome," I laughed. "But you didn't nominate anyone."

"Because I was fucking sleeping, you cunt!" she yelled.
A spokesman for Manchester United has dismissed last nights defeat as a training exercise and that now they can concentrate on the really important stuff.

Like staying in the premier league.
Not saying I have no idea of how to be with girls, but I was at the bar with my friend and he says "That bird was totally checking you out."

I said, "really?"

"Definitely," he replied, "you should go talk to her."

"Okay," I said, "what do I say?"

"No problem man," he said, "Just go up to her and say, 'I would like to buy you a drink' simple as that".

So I muster up some guts, go up to her and say, "My friend here would like to buy you a drink"
To raise team spirits for their next game, Manchester United have hired Liverpool's professional cheer leading squad, 'The Black Armbands' to do a few pre-match routines
Everyone seems to be writing Manchester United off already, I believe Van Gaal just needs is a bit of time to settle in, next season I think they'll be Champions once more! My prediction:

1. Man United
2. Cardiff City
3. Sheff Weds
4. Bournemouth
5. Rotherham
Manchester United fans are ecstatic today after hearing rumours that the clubs number one legend and hero is to come out of retirement to sort this mess out.

That's right. Howard Webb is back.
So, there's a problem in Africa with the rapidly spreading Ebola virus... And there's a problem in Iraq and Syria with a militant group of terrorists who can't be stopped from spreading...

Why don't we send some of our African delegates over to Iraq to commence peace talks and see if two problems can become a solution for all of us?
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