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Seeing it twice.
It's a box of tissues, 24 Prozac and the number for The Samaritans.
And it seems another 11 got fucked in Milton Keynes tonight...
Is it still a penalty
"Well, my dear, there's good news and bad news. We've run some tests and the bad news is that your baby has ginger hair."
"Oh no!" she replies. "What's the good news?"
The Doctor replies, "It's dead."
I tell you, it makes me so angry, I sit on the end of my bed and shake my fist at it.
Her arse will be red raw tomorrow.
Curry for dinner.
Anyway, the bird with the biggest tits won it.
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Which means Britain should still have a functioning government.
Didn't take them long to find a cure once a white guy got it.
Nice try, basket industry.
Or waterboarding, as it was once known.
RIP Dave Jones. 1974 - 1746.
With the growing number of violent Buddhists, Hindus, and Church of England extremists out there, something just has to be done across the board.
It's mainly just photos of Privates.
Has anyone else been asked to hold a toaster at the same time?
He's recovering well in an airing cupboard in a tub of rice.
She's naked and you don't know what to do with the knife.
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Fingers crossed it's just child porn and not new music.
Orlando complained that his hand was pretty sore today.
Apparently the entire nightclub had queued up to high-five him.
Instead of actually coming in my room and stopping him.
He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish. so he shouts over to the bartender loudly enough that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for that Jew over there".
Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Jew gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice.
This infuriates the Arab. He once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Jew.
As before, this does not seem to bother the Jewish guy. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"
The Arab asks the bartender, "What's the hell is the matter with that Jew?
I've ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the silly bugger does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?"
"Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place."
Orlando Bloom is a 37 year old English actor best known for his roles in The Lord Of The Rings trilogy and Pirates Of The Caribbean. He also had roles in the award wining films 'Black Hawk Down', 'Troy' and 'Kingdom of Heaven'
And Justin Bieber is a cunt
Natives of Leicester, help is on its way.
It's the same thing when you are stupid.
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It's been revealed a Maribor player who came on as a sub had refused to carry out the Ice Bucket Challenge.
That's when I discovered she's dyslexic,and has a massive range of whips,chains,strap-ons and handcuffs.
Because I've done way too many mushrooms.
Half of my mates are council house scum.
"That was awesome," I laughed. "But you didn't nominate anyone."
"Because I was fucking sleeping, you cunt!" she yelled.
Like staying in the premier league.
My Wife thinks it looks great at the bottom of the table.
They're really sensitive at the moment.
I said, "really?"
"Definitely," he replied, "you should go talk to her."
"Okay," I said, "what do I say?"
"No problem man," he said, "Just go up to her and say, 'I would like to buy you a drink' simple as that".
So I muster up some guts, go up to her and say, "My friend here would like to buy you a drink"
Who is going to mow the lawns and take out the rubbish?
1. Man United
2. Cardiff City
3. Sheff Weds
To take the bus back to the airport.
That's right. Howard Webb is back.
Why don't we send some of our African delegates over to Iraq to commence peace talks and see if two problems can become a solution for all of us?
Sounds pretty gay to me.