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Random 5!

New Year's resolution- Date more models.

Revised- Date more.

Revised again- Get a date.

Revised one last time- Stop crying whilst masturbating.
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Hottest Jokes This Week

I don't know why people keep getting worked up about immigration..

All my neighbours are English
All the kids in the local school are English
All the local shops are owned and run by English people

I love it here in Spain.
A pirate goes to the doctor, worried the moles on his back are cancerous

"It's ok" says the Doctor "They're benign"

"Count 'em again Doc" says the pirate. "I reckon there be at least ten"
There was a further setback for the Scottish Independence campaign today.

The Loch Ness monster has stated he's relocating to the Lake District in the event of a Yes vote.
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Hottest Jokes This Month

Sure, white people can't say the "n word" but at least we can say phrases like, "Thanks for the warning, Officer" and, "Hey, Dad."
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Newest Jokes Today

Rio I had to ask my mom what the N word ment
You should have asked john Terry.
There are reports that the Scottish Independence Vote is in turmoil after the 800,000 registered postal voters realised that they have to put a stamp on the envelope.
i'm not entirely clear on the plot of the hunger games but i am sure that if jennifer lawrence was so hungry, she wouldnt have let her boyfriend splash that protein all over her face. what a waste!
After seeing signs of mice in our garage last week, I bought three mousetraps.

They're fucking useless. The mice are gone long before the diver ever gets flipped into the plastic cup.
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