As a proud Scotsman I'd like to say how disappointed I was to hear Usain Bolt describing the Commonwealth Games as "a bit shit" When you're in Scotland Usain, show a bit of respect and remember its not shit, it's shite.
My muslim neighbour decided six months ago she was never again going to wear a full-face hijab or veil, and naturally it caused a massive rift in her family.
Two weeks ago a stranger, suspected hired by her brother, pinned her down in the street and hacked her nose off with a serrated blade.
To make such a terrible situation worse, she isn't eligible for reconstructive surgery on her injuries.
She had very good insurance, but her face wasn't covered.
Three years ago, my son and I had a huge falling out over his sexuality, he fled the house in tears and has never returned or been in contact since.
This morning a neighbour said he was sure he had spotted him working in town, so I grabbed my coat and went to look for him.
I eventually found him in an underpass, on his knees, sucking (and so obviously loving it) some old bloke's cock.
I held back and let him finish off with a facial, before running up to him and throwing my arms around him, so relieved he was ok.
When I was told about him earning money in a subway, I was worried he was making sandwiches, like some sort of puff.
Been a weird few hours. Blew all my money on bad investments got thrown in jail and ended up having sex with a tiny scotty dog whilst wearing a metal top hat. In my defense nobody explained the rules of monopoly to me