"Do you know what happens when you die? " this priest said to me,
"Well yes, " I replied, "the kids will argue over my shit, the wife will probably shag my brother again, and everybody who thinks I am a proper cunt will go round telling my family what a great bloke I was. "
I work as a cinema usher and was pleasantly surprised to see that most of the women going to see '50 Shades of Grey' were fat and yet many of them were opting for healthier snacks and had cucumbers/courgettes in their handbags.
"You are the laziest worker we have ever employed Smith, always late, been caught asleep on a few occasions, never reach your target, and are so lethargic it's unreal. I thought you said you used to work on a farm? "