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Hot jokes today (10 of 306)
So, earlier today, I was watching one of my family's cats hitting a cord hanging from our blinds for about 10 minutes or so, and I started thinking 'jesus, the fucking stupid animal is so damn easily amused'

And then I realized that I'd been staring at a cat playing with a string for ten minutes.
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Joke by isaacjcksn, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged stupid , cat , string , blinds , amused  - Current Score: 408 - Added: 13 hours ago

Hey kids, why don't you try a new social networking tool?

It's called, "outside".
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Joke by Aspen, in Celebrity and news events > Social Networking - Tagged bebo , facebook , twitter , myspace , social networking , interaction , real world  - Current Score: 360 - Added: 13 hours ago

A scouser started working at my office this morning.

It's about time - he's been here two fucking years.
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Joke by Aspen, in Religion and racism > Scousers - Tagged scouser , lazy , office  - Current Score: 359 - Added: 16 hours ago

I spent ages trying to cross a busy road. 

Some passer-by said "There's a zebra crossing 50 yards up the road."

I thought "I hope he's having better luck than me". 
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Joke by furiousg, in Jokes with no home > Unknown - Tagged zebra crossing  - Current Score: 256 - Added: 12 hours ago

“Twister kills two, north-west of Atlanta”.

Must have been one hell of a game.
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Joke by tricyclic_looper, in Jokes with no home > Weather - Tagged twister , board game , extreme weather , mb games  - Current Score: 237 - Added: 9 hours ago

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then think again, neither does Milk.I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by prettyfly86, in Jokes with no home > Observation - Tagged alcohol  - Current Score: 221 - Added: 15 hours ago

At 92 my grandmother still has an active sex life.

Well, she's too frail to defend herself isn't she?
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It was reported that Michael Jackson had xanax, prilosec, vicodin, demerol and zoloft........ i didnt know he'd fucked Bob Geldof's kids!!!I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by iggyflynt, in Celebrity and news events > Michael Jackson - Tagged michael jackson  - Current Score: 191 - Added: 23 hours ago

RAPE. Small word, long sentence.I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by milenko, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged rape , sentence , punctuation  - Current Score: 191 - Added: 7 hours ago

My daughter has reached that time in her life when she starts to become sexually active.

Bedtime.
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Joke by nufcdude, in Jokes with no home > Stupid And Pointless Really - Tagged bored , forum back on please  - Current Score: 179 - Added: 13 hours ago

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Hot jokes this week (3 of 1533)
TRUE STORY

I was in my office yesterday on my lunch break when I went on my computer to enjoy a joke or two on Sickipedia. The numerous racist sick jokes made me persist in laughing. Quite loudly actually. My boss overheard this and came over to look. I suddenly realised to my horror that my boss was black. Then to make it even worse I remembered he was American as well. In realising this i quickly grasped for the mouse and closed the Sickipedia webpage. As my boss reached the foot of my desk he said: "What you laughing at then?". Nervously I replied: "nothing boss, nothing just something that happened yesterday". My black American boss then proceded to go through my website history until he came across Sickipedia. He looked at me and said: "ahhh... what's this then, sounds interesting".

I was ready to be fired. I was ready to get beaten up. Sweat pouring down my head, I sat there in horror and disbelief as he scrolled the mouse closer and closer to the website url. And as he clicked on sickipedia.org, I don't think I was ever happier to see those magic words.........

"Database Latency too high. Sickipedia appears to have lost connection to the database".
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Joke by ryanmillward, in Religion and racism > Sickipedia - Tagged black , work , american , office , boss , database latency too high  - Current Score: 882 - Added: 3 days ago

Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids.

I won!

No one's a match for me and my kettle.
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Joke by Aspen, in Jokes with no home > Water Fight - Tagged kids , kettle , water fight  - Current Score: 680 - Added: 2 days ago

I just heard in the news "RAF Tornado crashes on hillside"

This is what happens when you have a shit advertising slogan like,"you don't have to be a pilot to fly in the RAF"

Well apparently you fucking should be.
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Joke by spec123, in Celebrity and news events > Adverts - Tagged tornado , raf  - Current Score: 614 - Added: 1 day ago

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Hottest Ever (3 of 42507. hit me!)
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Nangleberry Keen, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged gang rape , statistics , 9 out of 10  - Current Score: 17492 - Added: 1 year, 8 months ago

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
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Joke by ht, in Illness and mortality > Suicide - Tagged suicide , books , librarian  - Current Score: 17324 - Added: 2 years, 0 months ago

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"
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Joke by bobbydgg, in Illness and mortality > Children - Tagged sex , daughter , doctors , appendix , little johnny  - Current Score: 8383 - Added: 2 years, 0 months ago

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Newest jokes (10 of 42507)
Birmingham 6 Guilford 4 sounds like a fucking great matchI like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by damianshultz, in Jokes with no home > IRA - Tagged None - please add some! - Current Score: 1 - Added: 21 seconds ago

My wife is so fucking ugly I have to put a paper bag over her head when we shag.
And one over mine, just in case hers falls off.
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Joke by brd, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged None - please add some! - Current Score: 1 - Added: 1 minute ago

Bloody Germans! We'd tickets for the front row of Wimbledon's Centre Court today. But when we got there, Boris Becker had thrown his towel over them.I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Boogaloo, in Celebrity and news events > Wimbledon - Tagged germans , tennis , towel , wimbledon  - Current Score: 1 - Added: 3 minutes ago

To reach Millions of people, businesses should advertise on the "Latency Too High" page.I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by lo3l, in Celebrity and news events > Sickipedia Weekly Crash - Tagged sickipedia , high , latency , data  - Current Score: 0 - Added: 10 minutes ago

"Anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after delivering the room service pizza.
"No thanks lad, that will be all," replied the gentleman. At this point, the bellboy notices a beautiful women laying on the bed, long legs, long blonde hair and bright blue eyes.
"Anything for your wife, sir?" The bellboy asks.
"Oh good idea, bring me up a postcard will you?"
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Joke by TNT, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged None - please add some! - Current Score: 4 - Added: 15 minutes ago

"Anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after delivering the room service pizza.
"No thanks lad, that will be all," replied the gentleman. At this point, the bellboy notices a beautiful women laying on the bed, long legs, long blonde hair and bright blue eyes.
"Anything for your wife, sir?" The bellboy asks.
"Oh good idea, bring me up a postcard will you?"
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Joke by TNT, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged wife , affair  - Current Score: 3 - Added: 15 minutes ago


queer_eye got buried to -5. Reveal Joke

What do you call a woman with no arms or legs?

An easy shag
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Joke by queer_eye, in Illness and mortality > Amputation - Tagged None - please add some! - Current Score: -3 - Added: 26 minutes ago

mrtippet got buried to -6. Reveal Joke

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Hot jokes THIS MONTH (5 of 6629)
So here I am in the Internet Cafe with the biggest fucking nigger I've ever seen reading every word I tyI like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by pup2097, in Religion and racism > Black - Tagged niggers , ouch , internet cafe  - Current Score: 2667 - Added: 2 weeks ago

I couldn't care less how you people vote. This post will achieve a score of over 25,000 points whether you like it or not.

Regards,
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
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My wife said I'm too immature and if I don't grow up it's gonna erect a barrier between us.

Ha ha ha, erect.
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Joke by Aspen, in Jokes with no home > Wife - Tagged wife , erect , immature  - Current Score: 1345 - Added: 2 weeks ago

You know it was a good shit when you come back and your screensaver's on.
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Joke by isaacjcksn, in Sex and shit > Shit - Tagged shit , poo , screensaver , satisfying  - Current Score: 1325 - Added: 2 weeks ago

R Kelly.

Taking the art out of rap artist.
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Joke by itchyanus, in Celebrity and news events > R Kelly - Tagged r kelly , artist , rap  - Current Score: 1102 - Added: 2 weeks ago

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Random Jokes (3 of 3. hit me!)
You know what I reckon would bring an end to knife crime in London overnight?

Guns.
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Joke by bleary, in Celebrity and news events > Knife Crime - Tagged knife , pirates , stabbings  - Current Score: 17 - Added: 1 year ago

Little known fact:

Auschwitz was actually a holiday camp for Jews.

They just blew it out of proportion because the showers were a bit faulty...
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Joke by Tzameti, in Religion and racism > Jews - Tagged jews , gas , showers , auschwitz , butlins , gas chamber , holiday camp  - Current Score: 28 - Added: 3 months, 29 days ago

Why does everyone hate Americans?

Thanks to them we're not the fattest nation in the world.
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Joke by Laurence, in Jokes with no home > Fat People - Tagged fat , england , england , america , america , american , american , britain , britain , world , fattest , fatties  - Current Score: 35 - Added: 11 months ago

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