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In jail, I over heard Leroy threatening one of the Muslims that he's gonna get him in the showers and make him pick up the soap

After one hell of a struggle, Leroy eventually got the better of him and made the scruffy cunt have a wash.
Tonight on Aircrash Investigation we ask how a perfectly functional, state of the art 747 managed to crash 13 miles off course into a mountain, killing all on board...

June 23rd 1998, it was a clear blue sky and Captain Lucinda Briggs was at the controlls...

Well that's that fucker solved, might as well turn over.
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Random 5!

Even though you are still allowed to smoke in your own house, do you have to stub it out when a burglar breaks in, as your house is now his workplace?
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Hottest Jokes This Week

I'm going to set up my own religion, one where its important to respect other peoples beliefs, learn to take criticism on the chin like an adult, wash regularly, treat women and children as equals and never kill anyone under any circumstances.

Its a non-prophet organisation.
As the train pulled into Bradford station, I heard 2 people talking about how the city had lost its identity to immigration.

I wanted to go and educate them about the positive influences that cultural diversity could have in a community, and the many ways in which us Pakistanis were integrating into British society.

But I was too busy trying to get a good seat on the roof.
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Hottest Jokes This Month

So Islamist militants have murdered 12 French journalists for publishing cartoons depicting followers of the Prophet Mohammed as bloodthirsty barbarians.

That's like raping 12 kids to prove you're not a paedophile.
I don't think Muslims go far enough in killing people who draw images of the prophet Mohammed.

I think they should kill people who are named after him as well.
All the gym bunnies moaning about the newbies.
Get over yourselves.
You didn't see us moaning when you came to use our pubs in December.
I've just received the class photo from my son's school in East London with over half the faces pixelated.

I think the school is taking this "no images of Mohammed" thing a bit far.
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Newest Jokes Today

I was serving food at the homeless shelter when an old man came up to the table...

"Chilli?" I asked.

"Just a bit." He said putting his plate out.

"There you go," I smiled, "this cup of soup should warm you up."
With the current amount of cash in their bank, Apple could buy Greece outright.

Big deal, so could I.
A woman will walk along the beach in a bikini without a second thought.

But catch one coming out of the bathroom in her bra and pants, and she'll immediately wrap herself in a towel.
It has been reported that many immigrants would seriously consider quitting the UK if UKIP came to power in the general election.

Meanwhile, the odds of UKIP winning a general election have been slashed from 100/1 to odds on favourites.
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