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Apparently, black students in South Africa have pelted Cecil John Rhodes's statue with their own faeces recently because back in 1896, he called Africans 'Sub human'


Yeah, that'll teach the bastard just how wrong he was.
"I can see you in the middle of a huge storm, a log cabin and fir trees are standing behind you," said the old gypsy woman, staring into her crystal ball.

"I think that's actually a snow globe you've picked up there," I told her.
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Random 5!

Anagrams.....

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters it becomes
TWELVE PLUS ONE

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters it becomes
A ROPE ENDS IT
A man was transporting bowling balls in his van when he noticed two black kids walking along with a bike . He asked if they needed a ride, when they said 'yeah' he told them there was only room in the back. So they climbed in the back of the truck.

The driver was very tired and passed his weigh station. A local policeman noticed and pulled him over.
The policeman came around and asked him all the normal questions, then asked what he was hauling.
The driver said, "Oh, nothing much." This raised suspicion in the officer and he asked if he could take a look inside.
The policeman went around back, opened the back of the truck, peeked in, and shut the door very quickly.
He went back to the driver and with a sense of fear in his voice he told him, "I want to you drive out of here and NEVER come back again!" So the driver obliged.

When the cop got back into his car, his partner exclaimed,"What's wrong?! You look like you've seen a ghost!!" To which the officer replied, "You're not going to believe this! That man was hauling nigger eggs, two of them hatched and one already stole a bike!"
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Hottest Jokes This Week

I had been seeing this girl for a while and she asked how many sexual partners I'd had.

"I've been very unlucky," I said. "Only four."

"Four?" she replied. "That's not unlucky."

"It is when they were Jimmy Savile, Rolf Harris, Gary Glitter and Fred Talbot," I answered.
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Hottest Jokes This Month

A black guy goes into a bakery. While he's waiting to get served he hears a voice say "fuck off back to the jungle, Nigger".

He looks down and sees some cakes looking back at him.

"Excuse me", he says to the girl behind the counter, "did you hear what these things just said?"

"Sorry about that. They're Chelsea buns."
I taught my Dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground...

We went from Barking to Tooting in about an hour.
An Engineer was unemployed for a long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: "Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000."

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: "I have lost taste in my mouth." Engineer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor: "This is Gasoline!" Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money. Doctor: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Engineer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Doctor: "But that is Gasoline!" Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Doctor: "My eyesight has become weak."
Engineer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000."
Doctor: "But this is $500..."

Engineer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
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Newest Jokes Today

Torn about medical notes have been found at the former residences of Osama Bin Laden and Adolf Hitler showing they both suffered from Depression.

Adolf has now been classed as an ill man who was a victim to his disease.

Osama is still a terrorist because he is brown and Muslim.
Answering the door earlier, I was greeted by social services.

"Good afternoon sir" the bloke said."We are here after receiving numerous complaints about child cruelty."

"This is ridiculous" I protested. "You put some reins on your child to keep them in tow, and busy bodies with nothing better to do ring the social services? What a joke."

"It's nothing to do with the reins sir" he replied.

"Well what then?"

"More the fact you've been riding in a saddle."
The captain knocked on the door, but he was met with a stony silence.

"Can you open the door, please? he asked, but there was no reply.

Realising something was wrong, the captain knocked harder and louder.

"Open this door, NOW!" he shouted.

He banged and screamed for another couple of minutes, until he finally got a response.

"Fuck off, Stevie. That red card cost us the match."
In a recent survey,the Mullet and the Table Top were voted the most hated styles by men.


They've clearly forgotten about Harry Styles.
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