Hottest Jokes Today
My wife told me that when she took the kids to school there was a crunching noise when she put the car into reverse.
So I put on my overalls, got my tools and re-hung the garage door.
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Labour 'still party of working people' insists Ed Miliband.
Specifically, anybody working for at least £150K a year.
Bob Geldof has helped save the lives of millions of Africans.
Although his record isn't quite so good with white people.
It's been 5 years to the day since I quit drinking.
And 4 years, 364 1/2 days since I started again.
The NHS is sending 30 GPs to Sierra Leone to help the fight against Ebola.
They have left their receptionists at home because they actually want to see patients.
As the PE lesson was about to start I gave the teacher a note from my dad,
."Ok, James, " she said, "can you please tell your dad that I have a boyfriend and I don't fuck on a first date."
Very sadly, Craig Charles has been forced to exit the Im A Celebrity jungle because of the unfortunate and unexpected death of his brother, Dean. Of which he must return home to be with his family at such a crucial and deeply emotional time for them all.
Meanwhile Gemma Collins left because she wants more food..
God must have been black-
We are all his children yet none of us have ever seen him.
The less of a toss you give, the happier you'll be.
Unless you're a prostitute.
Due to a mental health disorder my wife was sectioned today.
I went fucking crazy and chopped her into 8 pieces. Click Here For More From Today