Hottest Jokes Today
1608200
We DID NOT walk 500 mile.
And we WOULD NOT walk 500 more.
~The Disclaimers.
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1608220
When a woman says "He used me for sex".
It really means 'I only shagged him to get something else out of him, but it failed'.
1608241
I went to school in Liverpool and the other kids used to kick fuck out of me because they thought I was a snob.
I had two parents.
1608299
Abdul Ali was seriously injured in a car crash & he has been on life support.
Today his family had to make an agonizing decision.
They closed the shop to visit him.......
1608243
I absolutely hate my mother-in-law.
She's actually quite a nice person, but she brought my wife into the world.
1608309
My wife thought it would be funny to throw a scrunched up ball of paper at my head and yell "head shot"
I had the last laugh though when I picked up the Argos catalogue and whacked her in the face saying "FACEBOOK!"
1608282
What goes 'paedo, rapist, paedo, rapist, okay, dead?'
The order of the presenters appearing on Top of The Pops 2
1608196
You are only as old as the woman you feel.
Said Paul Gadd, aged 12
1608199
"I want to go bowling with my mates" I said to my wife. "But I want to have a romantic night in with a movie" she replied
"That's that sorted then, glad we could come to an agreement. See you around midnight"
1608242
The word vagina roughly translates as sword holder in Latin and German.
In Middlesborough, it translates to fish trawler.
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