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So Yusra Hussien is the youngest girl from the UK to go and join ISIS in Syria and is said to want to become a 'Jihadi Bride'.
I'm not entirely sure shes been paying attention.
Shes 15 years old for fucks sake, what self respecting Jihadi Muslim is going to be interested in an old hag?
I don't understand why Islam gets so much hate. I was overjoyed to discover that my new neighbours were Muslims.
The stench is bound to mask the smell of my cannabis farm.
I asked my doctor if it was normal for guys to get an erection when he sticks his finger up their ass during a prostate exam.

"Yes" he replied, "but your the first one to grab my wrist and ride it reverse cowgirl. "
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Random 5!

There was an accident on the motorway today.
I tried to help the victims but there was so much blood that I felt sick and had to leave.
I'm sure they'll be okay until a different ambulance gets there.
The FA have been investigating Wayne Rooney's foul-mouthed celebration at the weekend. He looked into a camera and shouted, "Fuck off! What? Fuck off!"

They have found that he was just having an argument with his reflection.
Little Johnny was in his maths lesson one day when his teacher asked him a question to see if he was paying attention.
"If I gave you £20," she began, "and you gave £5 to Mary, £5 to Sally and £5 to Susan, what would you have?"
Johnny thought about this and then answered, "An orgy?"
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Hottest Jokes This Week

A Muslim schoolgirl is complaining that she has been excluded from her Camden school for wearing a veil.

Ironically, if she lived in a Muslim country she could wear a veil to her heart's content, she just wouldn't be allowed to go to school.
57% of the British public back military air strikes against IS targets in Syria and Iraq.

The other 43% of the British public are Muslim.
A halal only branch of KFC in Birmingham has refused to supply wet wipes. The Daily Mail report this to be due to the alcohol content but a restaurant spokesman refuted this.

"Wet wipes constitute a wash and that is banned by Islam," he said.
I tried to fit 100 police officers into a Mini Cooper.

It was a struggle at first but then I made one a sergeant and the rest crawled up his arse.
Germany is said to be breaking under the strain of Polish immigrants.

Well there's an unexpected headline: Poland invades Germany.
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Hottest Jokes This Month

Sure, white people can't say the "n word" but at least we can say phrases like, "Thanks for the warning, Officer" and, "Hey, Dad."
I don't know why people keep getting worked up about immigration..

All my neighbours are English
All the kids in the local school are English
All the local shops are owned and run by English people

I love it here in Spain.
A Muslim schoolgirl is complaining that she has been excluded from her Camden school for wearing a veil.

Ironically, if she lived in a Muslim country she could wear a veil to her heart's content, she just wouldn't be allowed to go to school.
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Newest Jokes Today

A life-size replica of Sir Cliff Richard is being used as a security measure by a couple in Norfolk.

The vehicle owner said the model was put in his wife's car to make her feel less vulnerable when travelling alone at night.

He added that the replica, which is made out of wood was so lifelike it was now helping Police with their investigations into claims of historic child sex abuse.
A black police officer pulled me over and asked me to step out of my car.

As I did, he said, "I'm afraid you're coming with me."

I still don't know whether he meant me or my car.
I was licking my wife's minge last night and I said"your pussy reminds me of a peach."

"Why's that,because it's pink and juicy?"she groaned.

"No,because it's fucking ripe."I said.
I would never be a really nice teacher who everyone adores and respects.

They're always the ones that get shot or stabbed.
My wife forgot to flush after a shit earlier so I called her back,pointed inside the bowl and said,

"Look!..Look at the size of that fucker..And you've got the nerve to refuse ME anal?"
A woman walked up to me seductively in a club, she winked at me as she said "Ive got all the right junk in all the right places"

Which really turned me on because I do like a woman who recycles responsibly.
They've just installed a new steps machine at my gym. I got banned from the gym the first time I used it for "just standing on it singing shit pop songs from the '90s".
Tetris is to be made into a Hollywood movie.

It'll be a Blockbuster
WONGA, the payday lender has decided to write off £220M of customer debts today.

However by the time they complete the transaction this afternoon that figure is expected to surpass the £467M mark.
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