A city banker has just lost billions, the bank is just about to fold, thousands of people will be laid off and the country could be plunged into a recession, all because of him. He's sitting at his desk on the 37th floor and he decides there is nothing else for it. He opens the window, looks down at the pavement below and is just about to jump when a voice shouts, "Stop!" He looks around to see the oldest, dirtiest woman he's ever seen standing in the doorway.
"I am your fairy godmother, and I can get you out of this mess on one condition."
"Go on," he says.
I can put all the money back in the bank, I can undo all that has gone wrong, but there is one thing you must do first."
"Okay" says the banker, thinking he'd do anything. "What do I have to do?"
"I'll wave my magic wand and right all your wrongs," she says, "but first you have to make love to me."
And, with that, the dirty hag rips off all her clothes. Her tits reach her belly, her belly reaches past her fanny, her skanky skinny butt hangs over her thighs, which sag over her knees. Her skin is grey from dirt and there is a disgusting smell coming from somewhere. The banker starts to heave, but thinks, "Oh well, if it'll get me out of trouble?" so he pushes her back over his desk. She opens her legs and he discovers where the smell is coming from. Her fanny hair is matted with filth, her fanny itself is covered in scabs and the whole thing smells like a fish market. "This is not going to be easy," thinks the banker, but he closes his eyes and remembers his lovely wife. Then he thinks about his secretary, the kids' teachers, the receptionist, and after a while he is able to close his eyes, gets used to the smell, and gets wood. He mounts up and starts banging the dirty old wrinkly fairy for all he's worth
Looking down, he sees the old woman staring up at him with a half smile on her face. "What?" he asks her.
"Oh nothing," she says. "It's just, I was just thinking, aren't you a bit old to believe in fairies? I'm the cleaner."
I've always thought the only design flaw with the male body was the position of the testicles.
It's odd how these delicate and sensitive organs are not safely tucked away in our bodies, but hanging on the outside at a vulnerable level.
So it's a fucking good job they're well protected by half a millimetre of slightly wrinkled flesh packed with nerve endings.