A black guy dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates he is greeted by St Peter, who says, 'Heaven is very full at the moment and we are only accepting people who have done something amazing. Have you ever done anything amazing?'
The black guy says, 'In fact I have. I fucked the daughter of the Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan.'
'Wow,' says St Peter, 'that's amazing! When was that?'
To which the black guy replies, 'Oh, about five minutes ago.'
A couple have two kids.
The chap's company make him area sales manager - it is more money, but involves stays away from home.
He comes back from a week at a sales conference one day, walks in and says, "I want to fuck you senseless."
His wife goes, "Shush, not in front of the kids - we have to be more responsible! How about saying 'I've got some washing to do since I've been away'?"
The husband agreed.
Two weeks later, he's back from a trip and says, "I've got some washing to do."
"Fine. Just a minute," says his wife, "I'm feeding the kids."
Two hours later she says, "I can do your washing now."
"No need, it was only a small load so I did it by hand."
My dwarf girlfriend went to work this morning upset with me, because I've been taking the piss out of her size. So I'm going all out to make it up to her tonight.
I've got a good bottle of wine in and bought her the latest dvd box set of her favourite programme. When she gets in from work I'm going to order her favourite takeaway for her tea, then go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.