Hottest Jokes Today
My daughter asked, "Why is the soap in the shower hanging on a rope?"
I replied, "Because it saw your mother naked."
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"Do know why you've been arrested?" asked the cop.
"Because my girlfriend is a bitch," I replied.
"Yes," he said, as he patted her and called the RSPCA.
I was in a pub quiz last night and one of the questions was: What have Nicole Kidman, Kylie Minogue and Julia Roberts got in common?
Apparently, women who I've masturbated to was not the answer.
I just heard on Rebecca Brooks' voicemail that she's got a job back at News Corp.
Incredibly, my wife being so fat that she had to buy two seats wasn't the most embarrassing thing about our flight...
She didn't even notice the armrest in the middle.
Those abs on Jessica Ennis-Hill are incredible.
I bet the baby shot out of her like a particle from the Large Hadron Collider.
My large, disabled wife has just qualified for a motability car and has been told she can have it modified to suit her needs.
"It will be a challenge, " said the rep, "but if it's a fridge you want..."
I love proving people wrong. Like when people say 'pleased to meet you'.
I soon make them regret it.
What type of ants ruin a coastguard's bank holiday?
I was kept awake all last night by my next door neighbour's wife shouting, "Harder! Harder! Come on, faster! Harder!"
My fault for being there while her hubby was on night shift. Click Here For More From Today