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Various charities are saying the £800 million spent during the transfer window should have been on starving children, not footballers.

Bollocks. How's a starving child going to score a thirty yard screamer?
Firstly it was the no makeup selfie to raise awareness for breast cancer..

Then the ice bucket challenge for ALS,

Now there is the celebrity nudes to raise awareness of Apple's poor iCloud security..

But I still can't tell Jennifer Lawrence's natural hair colour.
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Random 5!

My father once told me, "Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it's something your father told you."
Did anyone else hear about the bloke that was trapped under a hotel ruin for two days in Haiti? He says that the iphone managed to save his life. He was able to use different apps on it to look up treatment to cuts and wounds, as well as using it as an alarm clock every 20 minutes to make sure he didnt fall asleep.

Am I the only one missing something here? Why didn't he just phone someone for help?
Just noticed on the cap of a drink 'Open By Hand'.
Wow, so helpful...
I was about to use a fucking screwdriver.
Thank God I saw that.
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Hottest Jokes This Week

Three Indians walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of Sikh joke?"
Three Israelis walk into a bar. The barman says, "Jew can't be serious!"
Three Muslims walk into a bar. The barman says, "Fuck off, you Paki bastards."
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Hottest Jokes This Month

Martin Scorsese's film "The Wolf of Wall Street" broke a record by using the word "Fuck" or "Fucking" 506 times.

That actually beats a record set by my dad in 2003, trying to put an Ikea chair together.
A woman walks into a marriage counselling office.

The counsellor says, "I know exactly why you're here. Your husband doesn't want to make love to you anymore, instead he prefers watching porn and masturbating."

She exclaims, "Wow! that's correct! How did you know without even having a session with me?"

The counsellor replies, "Because you're fat."
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Newest Jokes Today

I've just seen a Subway advert proclaiming, "It's all about the veggies."

They should make Joan Rivers their new spokeswoman.
So my goth daughter said she cant stop cutting herself with razor blades.

Now that the child maintenance has increased, I thought I would buy her a hacksaw.
The Chief Constable of South Yorkshire told a commons select committee that cultural sensitivities have no influence on the ongoing investigation into child abuse and will stress that point when he is interviewed at Rotherham Mosque by the elders, Inshallah.
I've just been to a wedding reception. The bride and groom were having a right old ding dong when all of a sudden the bride picked up the top of the wedding cake and hit her new husband smack bang in the face with it.

Talk about bringing a tier to his eye.
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