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Hottest Jokes This Week

I was watching the news this morning when the presenter said;

"A man has been arrested after half a million indecent images of children were found at his home in Bradford. Our reporter Gary O'Donoghue has more."

Gary, you filthy bastard!!
What do black guys have that's longer than most white men's and gets even bigger when they touch a woman?

Their criminal record.
I see that in Michigan, two people are being sued for $2 million after burning down an apartment complex while cooking a squirrel with a blowtorch.

Now I'm not an accountant, but it sounds like they might not have $2 million.
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Hottest Jokes This Month

The UK Government has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country if they vote for independence.

I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.
I was watching the news this morning when the presenter said;

"A man has been arrested after half a million indecent images of children were found at his home in Bradford. Our reporter Gary O'Donoghue has more."

Gary, you filthy bastard!!
What do black guys have that's longer than most white men's and gets even bigger when they touch a woman?

Their criminal record.
"You can tell a lot about a person by the beer they drink," I said to a bloke at the bar.

"Really?" he replied. "So what can you tell about me?"

"You're a cunt," I said.

"What makes you say that?" he asked.

I said, "That's my beer you're drinking."
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Newest Jokes Today

Reuters:

'One parent, Park Yung-suk, told Reuters she had seen the body of her teenage daughter's teacher brought ashore earlier in the morning.

"If I could teach myself to dive, I would jump in the water and try to find my daughter," Park said as light rain fell.'

Just off the coast of Oxymoronia.
Everyone is always saying how romantic I am because even after being with my wife for 12 years, I still hold her hand when we are out in public.

Let them think whatever they want.

All I know is, if I'm holding it, she can't hit me with it.
There have been several sightings of the Malaysian plane passengers.

Around two billion.
Being a life/career advisor it disgusted me when a client told me he raped a girl and uploaded the video he made of it to pornhub.com

It's like he's learned nothing in our sessions, distribute the video where money can be made.
My wife asked me, "On a scale of one to ten, how much do you love me?"

I replied, "I'm still counting the zeroes."

"Wow! That much?" She beamed.

"Yeah, it's a pretty big decimal."
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