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The Government have announced from the 1st October 2014 motorists are no longer required to display a tax disc in their vehicles.

A spokesman for motorists groups in Liverpool said : "This is nothing new, we started the trend in 1956"
A recent telephone conversation with my wife turned into an argument. She called me a "stupid cunt", so I slammed the phone down.

Which kind of proved her point, because I cracked the screen on my iPhone.
"You haven't completed the 'Sexual Orientation' box," said the interviewer.

"I know," I replied, "I didn't understand the question."

"Well," he explained, "if you find women sexually attractive, you are heterosexual. If it's men, you're homosexual. If you find both attractive, you're bisexual. And if you aren't attracted to men or women, you are asexual."


"Put down 'asexual' then" I replied, gazing longingly at his border collie.
After learning that I'd won the lottery, my brother came running to me saying that he didn't have a pot to piss in and could I help him.

£2.99 later he now has a pot.
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Random 5!

Kylie Minogue, Elton John and Robbie Williams are walking along the street. Kylie trips, jamming her head in some railings. Robbie, quick as a flash, pulls down her knickers and fucks her senseless. He turns to Elton and says, "Your turn!" but Elton starts to cry.

"What's wrong, Elton?" asks Robbie.

Elton sobs, "My head won't fit through the railings!"
The football at the Olympics had to be stopped today when it turned into Chaos. One of the Somali players was shown a red card and the supporters all rushed onto the pitch as they thought he was getting a passport.
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Hottest Jokes This Week

A Muslim schoolgirl is complaining that she has been excluded from her Camden school for wearing a veil.

Ironically, if she lived in a Muslim country she could wear a veil to her heart's content, she just wouldn't be allowed to go to school.
57% of the British public back military air strikes against IS targets in Syria and Iraq.

The other 43% of the British public are Muslim.
A halal only branch of KFC in Birmingham has refused to supply wet wipes. The Daily Mail report this to be due to the alcohol content but a restaurant spokesman refuted this.

"Wet wipes constitute a wash and that is banned by Islam," he said.
I tried to fit 100 police officers into a Mini Cooper.

It was a struggle at first but then I made one a sergeant and the rest crawled up his arse.
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Hottest Jokes This Month

Sure, white people can't say the "n word" but at least we can say phrases like, "Thanks for the warning, Officer" and, "Hey, Dad."
I don't know why people keep getting worked up about immigration..

All my neighbours are English
All the kids in the local school are English
All the local shops are owned and run by English people

I love it here in Spain.
A Muslim schoolgirl is complaining that she has been excluded from her Camden school for wearing a veil.

Ironically, if she lived in a Muslim country she could wear a veil to her heart's content, she just wouldn't be allowed to go to school.
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Newest Jokes Today

So it took a whole month to find Alice's body after she disappeared, and the main suspect was let into this country despite having a previous conviction for murder.

Sounds like Gross incompetence to me.
They say when an animal is about to die, it finds somewhere warm and just stays there.
They also say how children can be very like animals.

Quite ironic then that after the night I spent with my 8 year old niece, her parents found her on the bonfire the next morning.
How long before the trend of;

'Hilarious things to put in your, now redundant, tax disc holder' starts?!

"Make use of that unused tax disc holder! You can buy a pack of 5 HILARIOUS pieces of paper to impress your mates with!

Our best seller, 'Tax in Post' can be yours for just £7.50! Don't delay, order today, they're utter shite, but we'll make loads of money out of it from the kind of boy racers that buy their mods from Halfords!
Gypsy community declares war on tax disc won.
Pikey spokesman Billy boy says war on deodorant will continue.
My friend can't stop having sex with books filled with facts and histories.

He's an encyclopaedophile.
David Cameron turned the clock back at the tory conference with a humorous tribute to the time William Hague made the news a few years back.

He put on slacks, dark glasses and a baseball cap and said he has a room booked for the night with a young male companion.
flares thrown onto the pitch at the emirates tonight? those turkish fans really need to get with the time and get into the 21st century and buy some new clothes.......
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