Hottest Jokes Today

The World-Famous Sickipedia Newsletter

Want to be kept up to date on the latest jokes, news and the rest of the shit that's happening on Sickipedia?

Join the newsletter now and get it all sent to your inbox!

"I'm really worried about you," I said to my teenage daughter. "You've been skipping breakfast, lunch and dinner for the past two weeks."

"I'm so sorry dad, I have an eating disorder," she confessed.

"Oh, thank god for that!" I replied. "I thought you'd decided to become a Muslim!"
Click Here For More From Today

Random 5!

The other day my girlfriend said she wanted a rape alarm. So at 6.45 this morning, I put tape over her mouth and fucked her up the arse.
When I was finished, I whispered in her ear, "Time to get up for work, darling."
Click Here For More Random Jokes

Hottest Jokes This Week

As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter.
I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me.
"I really need a new fucking boat," I thought to myself.
The fact that there is a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic load.
Click Here For More From This Week

Hottest Jokes This Month

Dylann Roof is now being questioned by Police after shooting 9 black people dead in one day.

Charleston police chief Gregory Mullen said,

"He went a little overboard with this unique style of job application, but we'd still like to take him on."
Tesco have come under fire for having smoky bacon Pringles as part of a Ramadan promotion.

They have now apologised and offered free female genital mutilation vouchers to anyone who may have been offended.
Click Here For More From This Month

Newest Jokes Today

My mate came out of court today and I asked, how did you get on Dave.
Dave replied :- A 5 grand fine a 2 year suspended sentence.
Fuck me I said, I think that's a bit much for a traffic offence.
Not too bad said Dave, it was drug trafficking.
My brother and I have completely different tastes - he owns a Mercedes and I own a Jaguar.

However, I think that having a Central American wild cat is fun.
Subway spokesman, Jared Fogle, currently under investigation for Child Pornography.

Big deal. I knew Subway was for paedos when they banned pork last year to keep the muslims happy.
As a drug dealer I like to have monthly celebrations with my earnings.

There's Methamphebruary, Marijanuary, Coketober, MDMAy...
If your 11-year old daughter likes horse-riding it's really because she really likes half a tonne of muscle pounding rhythmically between her legs, she'll grow up to be a slag. And if your son likes horse-riding he'll be a bummer
Click Here For More From Today