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Friends say the Germanwings co-pilot was intelligent, somewhat somber, a bit sinister and a little eccentric.

Or as doctors call it, "German."
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Random 5!

Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82.

I'm easily lead.
A woman with a clipboard just knocked at our door.
She asked me if we would have an Ethiopian child for Christmas.
We normally have a turkey but, fuck it, I'll try anything once.
Who says the regime of Robert Mugabe is not a well run efficient government.

They have just announced the Zimbabwean election results one week early.
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Hottest Jokes This Week

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Hottest Jokes This Month

A black guy goes into a bakery. While he's waiting to get served he hears a voice say "fuck off back to the jungle, Nigger".

He looks down and sees some cakes looking back at him.

"Excuse me", he says to the girl behind the counter, "did you hear what these things just said?"

"Sorry about that. They're Chelsea buns."
I taught my Dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground...

We went from Barking to Tooting in about an hour.
An Engineer was unemployed for a long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: "Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000."

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: "I have lost taste in my mouth." Engineer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor: "This is Gasoline!" Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money. Doctor: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Engineer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Doctor: "But that is Gasoline!" Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Doctor: "My eyesight has become weak."
Engineer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000."
Doctor: "But this is $500..."

Engineer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
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Newest Jokes Today

My mate invited me over for a game of poker, but he didn't have any cards, chips or beer.

He was bluffing.
I said to the Librarian i'm looking for a book about agnosticism but cant remember the title....any ideas?

I'm not too sure she replied

Yes thats the one!
This years election will see more black men become MPs than ever before.

They keep calling it a hung parliament - but we know what they really mean.
East 17 band member Brian Harvey is reportedly in a "desperate situation". He is currently unemployed, on the verge of eviction from his home, and considered suicide just 5 weeks ago.

Hi, I'm Brian from confused.com
As a young Jewish boy, it is tradition to receive presents from your family and friends to celebrate your barmitzvah. I will always remember the two presents I received from my father:

1: A cheque book that belonged to the family bank account
2: A playboy magazine

The only issue was that the pages were stuck together... Makes it almost impossible to write any cheques.
Labour MP Simon Danczuk has been caught out on Twitter, admitting to regularly viewing pornographic videos.

Which is ironic really, as I was caught out by my girlfriend regularly viewing Twitter. . . .wanking over his wife's huge tits.
On her way back home through the park the wife was raped by a gang of men who bashed her head in with a crowbar. Crimewatch have offered to do a reconstruction.

That's sweet, but I think they should leave it to the plastic surgeon.
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