Three Indians walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of Sikh joke?"
Three Israelis walk into a bar. The barman says, "Jew can't be serious!"
Three Muslims walk into a bar. The barman says, "Fuck off, you Paki bastards."
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your
hand and your elbow?
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...? Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the
song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?
After a hard day's work the other day, which didn't finish till well past midnight, I trawled through the clubs for a drunk woman to shag by way of celebration. True, you really get the dregs shortly before closing time, but I was on a high and I didn't care.
I saw this right munter, and started chatting to her. Although she was completely smashed, she still didn't seem impressed until I mentioned my wages and my line of work.
"I deal almost exclusively in football transfers," I told her. "Over the years, I've provided players for all the top clubs in Europe - Barcelona, AC Milan, Chelsea...even Man Utd before they went downhill. Most of my players, however, have formed the nucleus of Man City's current team, and only a matter of weeks ago I had a major hand in Bacary Sagna's move there."
She was interested. I could see it in her eyes. This was on.
"What's your name, sweetie?" she asked seductively, stroking my chest.
The Chief Constable of South Yorkshire told a commons select committee that cultural sensitivities have no influence on the ongoing investigation into child abuse and will stress that point when he is interviewed at Rotherham Mosque by the elders, Inshallah.