A man had been married to his wife for twenty years. As time had passed, his sex life had naturally deteriorated but now it was starting to get him down. No longer could he make his wife orgasm.
One day, the man decided to do something about it so he went to see his doctor. The doctor suggested he add a little romance back into the relationship - a nice meal, candles, mood music and the like. The man was skeptical but, that evening, he gave it a shot. He really pulled out all the stops but, when he came to the bedroom, there was again no action from the wife.
He went back to see the doctor the next day. The doctor was disappointed the trick hadn't worked but told the man not to worry. The doctor suggested he try again but this time get a young Adonis-like man to stand beside them and waft them with a towel. At first, the man didn't like the sound of it, but the doctor persuaded him to give it a go. He found a number for a male escort agency and arranged for their top man to come around that evening. All was going to plan but, when they came down to business, there was still no climaxing, no matter how much the young man waved the towel. Now, as you can imagine, this was starting to rile the man no end. He stormed back to the doctor. The doctor was obviously mortified that it hadn't worked so he suggested the man repeat the trick but perhaps this time he swaps roles with the escort. The man was at his wit's end so gave it one last try.
That evening, the man cooked his wife a fantastic meal. Shortly after they had finished, the escort arrived and they headed up to the bedroom. The man took up his position with the towel while his wife and the escort got down to business. Sure enough, within minutes his wife was groaning and writhing with ecstasy. The man was clearly satisfied with his work, so he lent over and whispered in the escort's ear, "You see mate, that's how you wave a fucking towel!"
Today,the girl who works next to me in the office came back from lunch and started shouting.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"Somebody left a note on my desk saying, "You're the ugliest bitch I have ever seen!"
"Don't look at me," I said.
"I wasn't implying it was you, I just-"
"No seriously, don't look at me; you're fucking hideous."
My 6-year-old daughter found a used condom in my car and said, "Daddy, what's this?
Very flustered, I abruptly told her, "Give that to me at once! It's dangerous!"
She then said, "But the stuff that was inside it - surely it can't be that dangerous if you've stuck your willy inside it at some point?"
Asian Cardiff owner Vincent Tan says "Wigan's Whelan is a racist".
Bet that was a mouthful for him.
The UK's first bus powered entirely by human and food waste has gone into service from Bristol Airport. Passenger Dickie Branson, who had just flown in from California, commented, "It's a pity that the service is so infrequent, as I often travel to Bath." A spokesman for the bus company, Brown Buses, explained that they were hoping for a more regular service soon by adding figs, dates and more greens to the fuel.