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The Italian film industry is reportedly set to make a follow up to the 1992 film White Men Can't Jump.

Black Men Can't Swim.
"Well I've had all the political parties canvassing me and explaining why they are the better party and that I should vote for them. "

"Yeah? And have you made an educated and reasoned decision as to who deserves your vote?"

"Yes. That bird with the massive tits. I will have to find out which party she was from. "
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Random 5!

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Hottest Jokes This Week

As USA gets closer to the 2016 election year, US citizens must remember that they cannot trust Hillary Clinton to create American jobs.

The last time Hilary had a meaningful job, she outsourced it to Monica Lewinsky...

And Monica blew it.
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Hottest Jokes This Month

A Muslim walked into my Adult Learning Centre this morning.

"Hello there." I said to him. "You need help with your reading, don't you?"

"Yes, yes I do." He said. "How could you tell?"


"Because the sign on the door says No Pakis."
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Newest Jokes Today

I was teaching my son plurals.

"What do you say when there's more than one cow?"

"Cows."

"Very good. What do you say when there's more than one goose?"

"Geese."

"Excellent, and what do you say when there's more than one spider?"

"Shit!"
450 migrants drowned last week while trying to get to Italy ,another 700 died yesterday in the same conditions

So the question is what will I use my third wish for ?
I came home to find my Thai fiance crying.

She told me she was leaving me.

I said it was ok. I never believed Tracy was her real name anyway
I woke up this morning feeling lazy.

So I rang my boss and said, "I can't come into work today."

He said, "Fucking hell Winston, must we go through this every fucking day!"
Priest hole is the term given to hiding places for priests built into many of the principal Catholic houses of England during the period when Catholics were persecuted by law in England, from the beginning of the reign of Queen Elizabeth I in 1558.

Choir boys will tell you it means something completely different now.
Paddy and George go to the cattle market and buy two pigs.
When they arrive home, Paddy says to George "Eer' George, how do we know which pig's mine, and which pig's yours?"
George: "Shit... I dunno"
Paddy: "I tell you what, if I cut the ear off of my pig, we'll know mine is the one with one ear and yours is the one with two!"
George:"Fuckin' 'ell Paddy, genius!"
The next morning, Paddy and George come down and notice, both pigs only have one ear. Paddy's pig got jealous of the other one having both ears, so he chew it off.
George: Fuck paddy, what now!?
Paddy: I tell you what, I'll cut the OTHER ear off my pig, then, my pig will be the one with NO ears!
George: Fuckin' 'ell Paddy, genius!
So, after cutting off the pigs other ear, they go to the shop. When they get back, both pigs have no ears. Again, Paddy's pig grew jealous and chewed off the other's ear.
George: Fuck sake Paddy, would you look at that, both pigs have no feckin' ears!
Paddy: Right... I tell you what, if I cut off my pigs tail, my pig will be the one with no ears and no tail!
George: Fuckin' 'ell Paddy, genius!
So, after cutting of the pigs tail, Paddy and George go to the pub. When they returned, you would never have guessed, the pig grew jealous and chewed the other's tail off.
George: Fuckin' 'ell Paddy! Look now, both have no ears or tail, should we cut one of your pigs legs off? That way your pig will have no ears, tail or leg!
Paddy: No, I tell you what George, you have the pink one, and I'll have the fucking black one!
The Italian film industry is reportedly set to make a follow up to the 1992 film White Men Can't Jump.

Black Men Can't Swim.
There's a superstition in this country whereby if a woman steps over a broom on the floor, she will become a mother before she is a wife.


All I can say is, there are an awful lot of brooms lying around.
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