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After winning the Junior UK hide and seek championships, Shannon Matthews will now travel abroad to take on the current European Champion, Madeleine McCann.

Correction: the current European champion is in fact Anne Frank, who successfully hid for almost 5 years before being caught. maddie has only been gone about 18 months. Besides, we all know she's buried in the woods.

Further correction: Anne Franks record was [...]

After winning the Junior UK hide and seek championships, Shannon Matthews will now travel abroad to take on the current European Champion, Madeleine McCann.

Correction: the current European champion is in fact Anne Frank, who successfully hid for almost 5 years before being caught. maddie has only been gone about 18 months. Besides, we all know she's buried in the woods.

Further correction: Anne Franks record was broken by Austrian Elisabeth Fritzl, who was hidden for 24 years.

But Elisabeth Fritzl was disqualified because she had help from her Dad.

Further Further Correction: I've been hiding me a child for 32 years! Fuck all of you!!!

Further Further Further Correction: Madeleine McCann also had help from her father, so why should miss Fritzl be disqualified?

Further Further Further Further Correction: Please stop being so disrespectful about innocent children. As a six year old, I am getting fed up of the constant jibes. The situation is now so dire that it has affected my career as a salt-distiller in my uncle's basement.