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HOW AMERICAN ARE YOU?

1. You decide that your relationship with you partner is over. How do you break the news that you are leaving?

a) Leave a tearful note on the kitchen table and slip away into the night

b) Attack him with a chair leg in front of a rabble of cheering, pumped up trailer trash vermin, on national television.

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2. Where are you most likely to find your local policeman?

a) Outside the police house in th [...]

HOW AMERICAN ARE YOU?

1. You decide that your relationship with you partner is over. How do you break the news that you are leaving?

a) Leave a tearful note on the kitchen table and slip away into the night

b) Attack him with a chair leg in front of a rabble of cheering, pumped up trailer trash vermin, on national television.

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2. Where are you most likely to find your local policeman?

a) Outside the police house in the village mending a puncture on his bicycle.

b) On his yacht, wearing a pastel suit with the sleeves rolled up, feeding his pet crocodile.

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3. Your fourteen year old son is going through a difficult phase. He is becoming disruptive at school and a recluse at home. What do you do?

a) Don't worry, it's just a phase he is going through. You were the same at his age.

b) Take him to the local supermarket and buy him an arsenal of weaponry and enough ammo to kill a small town.

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4. You and your pals decide to go to the park and have a game of football. What do you bring?

a) A ball and two coats (for goalposts)

b) A ball, 50 crash helmets, 4 tonnes of body armour, 20 cheer leaders, a marching souza band and a team of orthopedic surgeons specialising in spinal injuries.

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5. You are driving along a country road when you accidentally run over a rabbit. What do you do?

a) Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet if it's alive.

b) Strap it across the hood of your car and drive home hooping and a hollering, while throwing empty cans of Budweiser out the window.

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6. You wake up one morning with a sore neck. What do you do?

a) Ignore it, it will probably go away.

b) Take yourself to a prostitute addicted televangelist faith healer in an ill fitting wig, who will lay his hands on you, whilst screaming about devils in front of an audience of gibbering inbreds.

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7. What do you have for breakfast?

a) A bowl of cornflakes, a slice of toast and a coffee.

b) A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with 6 eggs sunny side up, fifteen pancakes covered in a gallon of maple syrup, a dozen waffles, 5 corn dogs and a diet root beer.

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8. What kind of car do you drive?

a) A small economical runabout

b) A forty foot long chromium plated jukebox that does 2 miles to the gallon.

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9. You decide to get married. What kind of ceremony do you have?

a) A quiet little service with a few friends.

b) A minute long mockery at a 24hr drive thru chapel in Las Vegas, presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis.

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If you answered mostly As, you're in no way American. You probably spell colour with a 'U'.

If you answered mostly Bs, you're a card carrying member of Uncle Sam's brigade and you've probably got 4th of July tattooed on your ass.