Bill Gates Jokes
Bill Gates has offered $100,000 to anyone who invents a more attractive condom.
Who is going to buy a condom from a company called Microsoft?
Bill Gates dies, and appears before God on Judgement Day. "Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world, and yet you created that ghastly Windows. "I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."
Bill replied, "Well thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?"
God said, "You take a peek at both places briefly if it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?"
"Sure" said Bill, "Let's go!"
Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful men and women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect.
"This is great!" said Bill. "If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven."
God replied, "Let's go!" and so off they went to Heaven. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell.
Bill Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision. "God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell."
"As you desire." said God.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill Gates shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.
"How ya doin', Bill?" asked God.
Bill responded with anguish and despair, "This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"
"Oh THAT!" said God. "That was the Screen saver!!!"
When Bill Gates died, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showed him to his house; a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court. Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying the amenities of Heaven.
One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit.
"That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?"
"Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful hill, with a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, and three Rolls Royces."
"Were you a pope, or a doctor healing the sick?" asked Gates.
"No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic."
Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stormed off to find St. Peter.
Cornering Peter, he told him about the man he had just met, saying,
"How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a mansion, and fine suits on the Captain of the Titanic? I invented the Windows Vista operating system! Why does he deserve better?!"
"True," Peter replied, "But the Titanic only crashed once."
It's official; Bill Gates is no longer the world's richest man, now that Mr. T has sent his jewellery into Cash My fucking Gold.
I got the 'Red Ring of Death' the other day.
I don't have a 360 I was just raped by Bill Gates