Why does John Leslie cry after sex?
That's what mace does to you.
If Harry Potter's so clever, why hasn't he put the magic potion, Rohypnolus Rapeum, into Hermione's drink?
As a struggling actor I was thrilled when my agent phoned with an audition.
"The part's made for you," he said. "They want someone your age, height and build with an accent like yours, and it's being filmed about 5 minutes from your house."
"It sounds perfect!" I replied excitedly. "What is it?"
"It's a Crimewatch rape reconstruction."
"Erm... No... I'm busy that day..."
"Did you know that making a girl laugh is the second best way to get a girl into bed?" I asked my date.
"Really?" she asked. "What's the first?"
"A big fuck off knife!" I replied.
"Ha-ha, you're funny," she said.
"Well done, you've made a sensible choice."
I'm the world's worst rapist.
I was stalking this girl in the park. I had my handkerchief already soaked in chloroform, when suddenly she turned and looked at me. I nonchalantly pretended to blow my nose.......and woke up an hour later slumped over a park bench.