A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."
Your mum's so fat, when she fell down the stairs I thought EastEnders was ending.
I'm about three years into my relationship now and I've started to have erection difficulties.
My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is: She bought me some Viagra;
And I've bought her a treadmill.
After queueing up for almost half an hour in the chemist last week, I finally got to the counter and the woman looked at me and said, "I'm really sorry about your wait."
In a rattled state, I replied, "You're not so fucking skinny yourself, actually."
I went up to this fat bird in the pub last night.
"You're a big lass, aren't you?" I said.
"Tell me something I don't know," she replied with a tear in her eye.
"Salad tastes nice."