Straighteners... somewhat ironically making you more gay.
What's soft and slippery?
I thought that I would be a bit organised this year and get a costumer sorted for my mate's Halloween party. So I went into this fancy dress place in town and walked towards the Dracula style outfits. A female shop assistant asked me if I needed some help, so I described the look I was going for. She said "I don't think that we can help you, you might want to try the Hugo Boss store across the road", to which I replied "ah, I don't think you heard me correctly, I said that I wanted to look like a Count"...
I can't believe my girlfriend just called me old fashioned.
And with her ankles showing, the slut.
My wife thinks our son is at that age when he's going to start asking for expensive designer clothes.
Calvin Klein, Hugo Boss, Fred Perry, Tommy Hilfiger.
Luckily, I know he's a gullible twat and buy him clothes from 'Mat Alan'.