My cousin's a lazy bastard - sits around all day doing fuck all, drinking, surfing the internet for porn.
Jeez, I wish I had an office job too!
First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
Funny sense of humour my plumber has.
An old man was in hospital. Lying in bed, he leaned over to the pretty young nurse attending to him and whispered in her ear
"Give us a kiss, luv!"
"No!", replied the nurse
"Oh go on!", said the man
"No!", replied the nurse again
"Please!", begged the old man, "Just a quick peck on the cheek?"
"For the last time, no!", said the nurse, "I shouldn't even be wanking you off!"
My sexy secretary bent over at the office today, so I pulled down her panties and tried to start fingering her, but she screamed and ran away.
I was very confused and pondered the situation for a long time.
I've come to the conclusion that real life must be different to porn movies.
It was so cold this morning I actually saw a solicitor with his hands in his own pockets!