Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day.
But get him an incapacity benefit form and he can have takeaways every night for life.
The Government has announced that benefit cheats will now be dealt with as harshly as fraudulent bankers.
I'm not sure giving them Knighthoods is the right way to go.
I pulled a fit bird at the pub last night and took her back to my place. I was sure that when she saw my flash car in the driveway and 47 inch TV her knickers would be off in an instant, but instead she walked out.
She said she didn't want to date a guy who's clearly on benefits.
Had to tell the wife I lost my job the other day.
She was overjoyed... now we can start planning to have children and have an even greater income.
A child is for life, not just for benefits!