A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
For me golf is a lot like women; if she isn't holding my wood, she should be holding an iron.
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
The only time it's acceptable for a man to hold an iron.
Linford Christie's a bit bored one day, so he decides to take up golf. He goes down to the local course, walks in and says, "Hi, I'd like to join your golf club."
The receptionist calls the club captain, who comes to meet the former Olympic sprinter at reception. "Hi," says Linford. "I'd like to join your golf club."
"I'm terribly sorry," says the club captain. "but we don't let black people join our club. If you turn left out of the gates, there's a public course about fifteen minutes up the road and they'll let you play there."
"I don't think you understand," says Linford. "I'm Linford Christie."
"Oh, I see. I'm terribly sorry," says the Captain. "In that case, the public course is five minutes up the road!"