Cannibals Jokes

A woman with a clipboard just knocked at our door.
She asked me if we would have an Ethiopian child for Christmas.
We normally have a turkey but, fuck it, I'll try anything once.
Two men are shipwrecked and manage to make it onto an uncharted island where they are approached by a large group of cannibals who can amazingly speak English.

The cannibals tell them that they have a chance to live on this island without being eaten so long as they pass the "Ordeal of Fruit". The survivors accept the challenge with little pondering and the cannibals send the pair off to individually collect one hundred pieces of fruit each and then report back to them.

The first survivor returns with one hundred grapes and cannibals instruct him to shove each grape into his anus without wincing or laughing or he will be killed on the spot.

However just as the first grape reaches his butt hole he bursts out laughing.

The cannibals ask why he is laughing and he replies "I'm sorry, it's just that my friend is collecting pineapples!"
An atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon Forest suddenly finds himself surrounded by a group of blood thirsty cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed this time!"

Suddenly there is a ray of light from Heaven and a voice booms out, "No, you are not screwed. All you have to do is pick up that rock at your feet and bash in the head of the chief cannibal standing in front of you".

So the explorer picks up the rock and proceeds to bash the chief unconscious.

As he stands over the body, breathing heavily and surrounded by hundreds of cannibals with looks of shock and anger on their faces, God's voice booms out again and says, "OK.....Now You're screwed".
The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian ambassador. For three days, the African ambassador was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer.

On the final day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said, "As your stay is coming to an end, it is time for you to play our traditional game, Russian roulette. One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded. You spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger."

This fazed the African slightly, but he was a proud man of a warrior people, and to show fear would be unthinkable. Both men took their guns, spun the cylinders, and then pulled the triggers.

Both chambers were empty, and both ambassadors breathed a sigh of relief. The African ambassador was very impressed with the courageous game, and thought hard about the subject before the Russian Ambassador was due to visit his country the next year.

A year later, the African ambassador treated the Russian with all hospitality, until the final day of his stay. Leading him to a private room in the palace, the African ambassador spoke, "Now it is time for you to sample our game, African roulette." So saying, he led the Russian into the room where the only occupants were six beautiful, naked women.


The African ambassador said, "These women are the most beautiful members of one of our tribes. Any one of them will give you a blow job. Take your pick."

The Russian was not entirely averse to this idea, but he couldn't see the connection with Russian Roulette. He said, "Well, great, but where's the roulette part? Where's the danger?"

With a big grin on his face, the African ambassador answered, "One of them is a cannibal."
Two cannibals come across a missionary in the jungle. After killing the man, they decide to split the body evenly. "Look," said one cannibal. "I'll start at the head, and you start at the feet, and we'll meet in the middle."

So the two begin to devour the man's body. After a short while, the cannibal at the head looks up and says, "How's it going down there?"

"I'm having a ball!" replied the other.

"No!" shouted the first cannibal. "You're eating too fast!"