Driving Jokes

I've just been reading that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when it's raining in Sweden.

And I'm thinking, "Who the fuck's going to let me know when it's raining in Sweden?"
If Mary, James, Peter, Richard, David and John are all in separate vehicles, travelling at a constant speed of 60mph, in a forward direction with no obstacles, at which point is Mary likely to stamp on her brakes and cause a fucking accident?
Speeding along at 60, there was a buzz from my mobile on the dashboard.

"Your phone just went," said my wife.

"It's only a text," I replied. "I'll check it when we get there."

She picked up the phone, and looked at it suspiciously. Then she tapped the screen, scrolled down and started reading. "I thought so," she sneered. "It's yet another crap joke from Dave about women being bad drivers."

"Watch the fucking road," I snapped. "You just ran a red light."
I passed a sign while driving along today, which said 'No u-turn'.

So I did an n-turn instead, which actually worked out better for me.
I was trying to get home in time for the football, but I was being held up by a learner driver. She was driving very slowly and kept stalling.

"Come on, you stupid cunt!" I shouted. "Get a fucking move on!"

She started crying and said it would be her last lesson with me.
Whenever my wife goes to the supermarket I always tell her to park in the disabled space.

After watching her spend 20 minutes trying to reverse into it, nobody is going to question her.