Embarassment Jokes

I walked up to the counter in the chemist and just my luck there was a girl serving.

"Erm... Morning," I said, "I need some erm... God, this is embarrassing..."

"Don't you worry sir," she leaned in and whispered reassuringly, "I get this every day!"

I smiled back.

"Condoms?" she said.

"No," I said.

"Suppositories?" she said.

"No," I said.

"Tampons?"

"No."

"Well, it can't be that embarrassing then, sir," she said with a smile.

"Paracetamol," I said.

"Paracetamol?" she gave me a puzzled look. "£1.99 please. What's so embarrassing?"

Then I pulled out my little pink purse.
I've got a topless woman as my wallpaper and it's always embarrassing when people see it.

Apparently it's not what most people have in their living room.
We were a bit drunk last night and the wife let me do her up the arse.

This morning, the bloke next door winked at me and said "Nice one mate, wish Jenny would let me do that to her."

"Shit," I said, "were we that loud?"

"Well," he replied, "let's just say the whole camp site is talking about it."
I was standing in the queue for the One Direction concert last night on my own, I'm a 42 year old man and all the young girls were pointing and staring at me.

I've clearly still got it.
The good: waking up to find you're home safe after a wild night out.

The bad: looking in the mirror to find a cock drawn on your face.

The ugly: finding out it was traced.
We were in the pub last night when our mate Dave turned up in the most embarrassing shirt you have ever seen.

"Cost me fifty fucking quid this" he said as we all continued laughing.

"I hope you kept the receipt" I said with a smile.

"Too right" he replied, "First thing tomorrow, this is going straight back to the Liverpool club shop."
I can't believe the wife walked in on me typing "Black midget anal animal porn" into Bing yesterday. I was so embarrassed.

I made her promise not to tell a single soul that I use Bing.