Fashion Jokes

I thought that I would be a bit organised this year and get a costumer sorted for my mate's Halloween party. So I went into this fancy dress place in town and walked towards the Dracula style outfits. A female shop assistant asked me if I needed some help, so I described the look I was going for. She said "I don't think that we can help you, you might want to try the Hugo Boss store across the road", to which I replied "ah, I don't think you heard me correctly, I said that I wanted to look like a Count"...
As the rain pelted down on us, my brother looked at me and said, "What the fuck are you wearing?"

"What? This?" I said, sporting a Hawaiian shirt, shorts and flip flops. "It's this bloody weather. It was nice and sunny when I came out!"

He shook his head and was about to give me one of his lectures when I was saved by the music.

"Come on you soft cunt," I said. "Dad's coffin isn't gonna carry itself!"
I hate the fact my wife insists on wearing a size 10 when she's quite clearly at least a size 14.

"Pack it in, Lisa" I said, "Your toes look fucking ridiculous sticking out of those sandals."