Food and Drink Jokes

Now the racists and rapists
And open prison escapists
Were just passing by.

And the grabby types,
The Maddie types,
Who want to be a Daddy types
Were just passing by.

And the mug-you types,
And thug-you types
And like to have sex by drug-you types
Were just passing by.

Those on their own,
Fucking the phone
With squinty eyes looking like a clone
Were just passing by.

Trucker driving through
Who just got blew
And killed a hooker on the A32
Was just passing by.

And the IT bod
Sat in his pod
Choking on his tongue and writing his blog
Was just passing by.

And the jobless types,
Who are not white
And used to pick cotton and fingers are light
Were just passing by.

And the sick perverts,
Who disconcert
The women with outrageous flirts
And like to fill their mouths with squirts
Were just passing by.

The Sickipedia folk,
Who share a joke;
See a duplicate and almost choke.
Waiting ages for Elton's stroke
Were just passing by.

There's a McDonald's for everyone.
I was at my mate's stag night yesterday, when he and his brother handed me a glass full of yellow, lukewarm liquid.
"Drink it," they said, giggling. It was only when I smelt it that I realised the prank the bastards were trying to pull.

Fosters.
I walked into a pub and said to the barman, "Stella please mate."

He said, "Are you 18?"

I said, "No."

He said, "I can't serve you then."

As I walked out I thought to myself, "This is the fourth pub - what does a 22 year old have to do to get a pint round here?"
People can be so 'in your face' these days. Only last night a complete stranger asked me if I preferred legs or breasts.

I told him that, actually, I liked hairy fannies, but it turned out that this wasn't an option with the KFC bargain bucket.