My Grandad placed three cups on the table, open end down. Then he put a ball under one of the cups and moved them around the table really fast.
After thirty seconds of this, he stopped and said, "Okay, which one is it under?"
Eric is looking for a new desk for his office and he spots one that looks perfect in an antique shop window. He goes inside and asks the shopkeeper how much it is.
"That desk is going for £2000," says the shopkeeper.
"£2000 for an old desk? That's outrageous!" exclaims Eric.
"Ah," says the shopkeeper, "but this is a magic desk." He turns to the desk and asks, "Desk, how much money do I have in my pocket?"
The desk taps one of its legs on the floor four times. The shopkeeper turns out his pocket and, sure enough, there are four pound coins there.
"Wow, that's pretty cool," says Eric. "Alright, desk, how much money does my wife have in her bank account?"
At this, the desk goes wild, manically banging all four of its legs up and down repeatedly for over five minutes non-stop.
"Damn, where did she get all that from?" asks Eric.
The desk's legs slide apart and its drawers fall down.
An amateur magician accidentally turns his wife into a settee and his two kids into armchairs. He starts to panic. He tries every trick in book but none work so, in desperation, he decides to take them to hospital.
Once at casualty, the magician spends a sleepless night while the medical staff run numerous tests on the unfortunate woman and children.
Finally, the head doctor comes out into the corridor to speak to the magician.
"How are my family?" he asks worriedly, "are they alright?"