Music Jokes

The Zutons' bass player, Russell, mentioned once in an interview that he liked Maltesers and, at his next gig, he was bombarded with Maltesers.

Well, I happen to know that Ronan Keating is a shit and daggers man.
Granny knot, surgeon's knot, hangman's knot, square knot.

I can't do them, but my headphones sure fucking can.
I had a great idea for a song. It would have vocals by a woman with a very average voice and a face to match, some irritating as fuck sped-up auto-tuned garbage, a token nigger rapping in a ridiculous put-on 'London' accent and the tune would be composed on a mobile phone ring-tone maker from the early Nineties.

When I took my idea to the record company, I got sued for plagiarism by nearly every fucking group in the top 40.
I was asked today if I liked Beyonce. I said, "Are you joking? I would lick the shit from her arsehole."

"Erm... OK..." my Gran replied. "Does that mean you'd like her album for your birthday?"
I spent the night in a haunted house once and made a run for it when I heard steps coming from upstairs.

I don't know which sick bastard was playing the CD but I didn't hang around to find out.