Had the Large Hadron Collider experiment failed, the DFS sale would have actually ended.
My laboratory assistant has invented a device that allows you to steal other people's ideas and then permanently delete them from the subject's memory.
Why didn't I think of that?
Parallel lines have got so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.
Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82.
I'm easily lead.
I'm a science teacher and once I asked one of my lazy students if he knew the chemical symbol for sodium. He replied, 'Na'.
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you
The more you have the longer you live
My physics teacher told me I had a lot of potential. Then he pushed me off a roof.
Why are our scientists trying to cure cancer and save cunts like Andrew Lloyd Webber when they should be genetically modifying animals into Pokémon?
Two scientists walk into a bar, and decide to have a drinking contest.
The first walks up to the barmaid and says, "I'll have a glass of H2O, please."
The second scientist says, "I'll have a glass of H2O, too."
Needless to say, the first scientist won.
A piece of gold walks into a bar.
The Barman says "Au, get out of here"