Science Jokes

My laboratory assistant has invented a device that allows you to steal other people's ideas and then permanently delete them from the subject's memory.

Why didn't I think of that?
Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82.

I'm easily lead.
I'm a science teacher and once I asked one of my lazy students if he knew the chemical symbol for sodium. He replied, 'Na'.
Lucky bastard.
Two scientists walk into a bar, and decide to have a drinking contest.

The first walks up to the barmaid and says, "I'll have a glass of H2O, please."

The second scientist says, "I'll have a glass of H2O, too."

Needless to say, the first scientist won.