My mate told me that I just don't understand irony.
Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time.
I accidentally sent a picture of my dick to everyone in my address book today.
Not only was it really embarrassing, it cost me a fortune in stamps.
My mate just said to me, "If you became invisible, what would you do first?"
I said, "I'd go to Paris, find a performing street mime and beat him to death; the round of applause he'd get would be astounding."
I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat'.
You probably saw our posters.
I walked out of a club with a girl last night.
She slipped her hand inside my jeans, squeezed my cock and said, "Yours or mine?"
I said, "That's mine."