Work Jokes

At a recent job interview:

What would you consider to be your main weaknesses and strengths?

Well my main weakness would be my issues with reality, telling what's real from what's not.

And your strengths?

I'm Batman.
I have just been for my first job interview.

I didn't get it - apparently making the "Hot Jokes Today" on Sickipedia doesn't make up for having no GCSEs.
A guy phones up his workplace on a Monday morning...

"Sorry Boss, I can't come in today, I'm sick"
"Dave this is the third Monday in a row you're had off. Just how sick are you?"
"Well, I'm in bed with my little sister at the moment if that's any help."
My boss stormed up to me in the office today and said,
"You missed work yesterday, didn't you?"

"Not particularly," I replied.
Going around a council estate on a weekday morning dressed in a suit pretending to be a bailiff is a great way to get free blow-jobs.
Had a job interview yesterday and all was going well when they asked, "What is your ambition in life?"

I was trying to think of something good to say, but they prompted me saying, "Be honest".

So I said, "I want to get a score over 1000 on Sickipedia for a joke about niggers."

Should find out if I get the job later today, fingers crossed.
This is a quick story about the bond formed between a little girl and a group of building workers. It's allegedly true and makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant building. One day Joe, Steve and a gang of building workers turned up to start building a house on the empty plot. The young family's 5 year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. They even gave her very own hard hat and gloves.

At the end of the first week they presented her with a pay envelope containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.

"You must have worked very hard to earn all this", said the bank cashier. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with the men building a big house."

"My goodness gracious," said the cashier, "Will you be working on the house again this week, as well?" The little girl thought for a moment and said... "I think so.... Provided those pricks at Jewson deliver the fucking bricks."