Benefits Jokes

I pulled a fit bird at the pub last night and took her back to my place. I was sure that when she saw my flash car in the driveway and 47 inch TV her knickers would be off in an instant, but instead she walked out.

She said she didn't want to date a guy who's clearly on benefits.
Had to tell the wife I lost my job the other day.

She was overjoyed... now we can start planning to have children and have an even greater income.
I watched the final episode of Benefits Street last night, where that guy Fungi got the all-clear from his doctor after finding a lump in his chest.

He must have been so relieved to find out it wasn't an ounce of pride.
I hate when people treat benefit claimers unfairly, I once heard this posh women ranting:

"They don't even try looking for a job, they just sit on their arses being paid more than someone who has a job, in their free house which I pay for with MY taxes, it's like Christmas for them!" she shouted.

I couldn't listen any more so I stood up, "That's completely untrue!" I shouted at her, "most of them don't even celebrate Christmas..."