Having watched Benefits Street, it's not much different to Sesame Street...
Both have a big bird, a bloke living out of a bin and people trying to learn the alphabet.
Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day.
But get him an incapacity benefit form and he can have takeaways every night for life.
The Government has announced that benefit cheats will now be dealt with as harshly as fraudulent bankers.
I'm not sure giving them Knighthoods is the right way to go.
I pulled a fit bird at the pub last night and took her back to my place. I was sure that when she saw my flash car in the driveway and 47 inch TV her knickers would be off in an instant, but instead she walked out.
She said she didn't want to date a guy who's clearly on benefits.
Had to tell the wife I lost my job the other day.
She was overjoyed... now we can start planning to have children and have an even greater income.
I watched the final episode of Benefits Street last night, where that guy Fungi got the all-clear from his doctor after finding a lump in his chest.
He must have been so relieved to find out it wasn't an ounce of pride.
A friend of mine had a brain haemorrhage which left him severely retarded and unable to make basic reasonable decisions.
He was recently declared 'fit to work' by ATOS, and told to find a job.
So he's applied for a job at ATOS. He should get along just fine there.
A Sudanese illegal immigrant was crushed to death on the M25 when he fell from a lorry he was hiding under.
His children back in Sudan are inconsolable. One said, "We hope this doesn't affect our Child Benefit claim."
A child is for life, not just for benefits!
Got to be weird being a British Paralympian under this government, knowing that a medal means you'll lose your Disability Living Allowance.