Military Jokes

Two Marines were sitting around talking one day. The first Marine asked the second Marine, "If they were to drop a bomb right now, what would be the first thing you would do?"

The second Marine said, "I would screw the first thing that moved. What would you do?"

The first Marine replied, "I would stand very still for half an hour."
I see that a £1billion stealth boat the Royal Navy has developed is detected on radar screens to be the size of a rowing boat. Fantastic! I'm sure our enemies won't raise an eyebrow when their radar screens show a small rowing boat 3000 miles from land travelling in excess of 32 knots. This country, honestly.
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper, frown and say: "That's not it."
This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier examined.
A military psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged and wrote out his discharge from the army and handed it to the soldier, who picked it up, smiled and said: "That's it."
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I was in a truck stop listening to two long-distance truck drivers complaining of the increase of traffic on the roads.

One said he can remember his Father telling him about how he used to leave Amsterdam on a Monday, drive to the south of Italy, make his delivery and be back home on Tuesday evening.

The second said his Father used to leave Cherbourg on a Monday, down to the south of Portugal and back by Tuesday lunchtime.

At this juncture I had to chip in, "My Dad told me that he would leave the south of England on a Monday evening, go to Hamburg, drop his load and he'd be back in England early on Tuesday!"

"Fuck me," exclaimed the other two, "what the fuck was he driving?"

"I think it was a called a Lancaster."