Tax Jokes

The new government are increasing VAT to 20%. Yeah we'll have to pay more, but some maths questions are going to be a hell of a lot easier!
I know it's depressing when you look at your payslip and you see how much tax you are paying, but just remember, you're paying for roads, bridges, hospitals, and an army to keep the nation free.

Unfortunately that nation is Afghanistan.
I just got a phone call from a representative from Google.

"We're campaigning to get people to sign an on-line petition supporting our company tax arrangements in light of the government's plans for an investigation."

"You can fuck right off," I told him. "It's the law abiding tax payer like me who suffers because of bastards like Google. You're getting no support from me!"

There was a pause before he added, "We know your browsing history."

"It's about time somebody stood up to the Government. I'm logging in as we speak."
OK I have decided to put a South African spin to an old story so Blacks can understand what happens to taxes, tax cuts and what happens when Whites leave.

Suppose there are ten men who go to dinner every night. Six of them are Black, one Coloured, one Indian and two Whites. One White guy is middleclass and the other is rich. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The bill comes to R1000, but four Blacks pay nothing, they eat for free every night. Two Blacks pay a share of R20 and R30 each. The Coloured guy pays R100, the Indian pays R150, the middle class White guy pays R200 and the rich White guy pays R500.

Everything went well. The ten men ate happily every night until one day the restaurant owner said that they were such good customers he was going to give them a break so he reduced the bill by R200. (In tax language a tax cut).

So the first four Black guys were basically unaffected by this and still ate for free, but the six others started thinking about how they would split the R200 cut in the Bill so everyone would get his fair share.

R200 divided by six would mean R33.33 each. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the two paying Blacks would end up being PAID to eat their meal. So the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same proportional amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

So the first paying Black guy that night only had to pay R16, the second paying Black guy only paid R24, the coloured guy paid R80, the Indian guy R120, the middleclass White guy paid R160 and the rich White guy paid R400 instead of his usual R500. Each of the original six paying ones were better off than before. The first four Black guys still got their meal for free.

But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. The first paying black said he only got R4 from the R200. The second Black guy said he only saved R6 The Coloured and the Indian guys were a bit grumpy that they only got R20 and R30 off their usual bill, but otherwise they were happy that they paid less that night.

Wait a minute, yelled the first four Black men in unison, We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!?

The Blacks looked at the middle class White guy who got R40 from the R200 discount and the rich White guy who got a wopping R100 and they became bitter about it. So the six Blacks surrounded the two White guys, beat them up and stole what they had on them.

The next night the men met again for dinner, but noticeably absent were the two White men who decided to go to another restaurant and not eat with them anymore. At first nobody missed the two White guys and they all sat down and ate without them, but then the bill came and to their horror they discovered that they were now R560 short of paying their bill. Imagine that!

And that, dear fellows, is how it works when you tax White people to death, beat them up and steal from them. They will just not show up at the table anymore and will just decide to go have dinner somewhere else, which means that you will be on your own and will have to pay all the bills yourself and there will be no more free lunches, you will catch rats and scratch in dustbins just like in Zimbabwe after the Whites left.