AlkringtonPaul has a score of 206 at the moment.
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The best of AlkringtonPaul's 6 jokes (View All)
| Pinnochio goes to his father and complains that whenever he has sex with a girl, she complains about the splinters. His father gives him a piece of sand paper and tells him to rub his dick with it before sex and it should solve the problem. A few days later, Pinnochio's father asks how the girls are. Pinnochio replies, "Girls, who needs them?" |    |
Joke by AlkringtonPaul, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged sex , dick , masturbation - Current Score: 83 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Frenchman Scotsman and Irishman Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them his results after the examination. "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner. "Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol Poisoning, hence the smile." The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Paddy from Belfast, 30, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector. "Thought he was having his picture taken." | |
Joke by AlkringtonPaul, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , death , mortuary - Current Score: 74 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Madeleine McCann's sister: "Mummy, I hate my sister's guts". Madeleine McCann's mother: "Just shut up and eat what you are given". | |
Joke by AlkringtonPaul, in Illness and mortality > Dead - Tagged death , dead , madeleine mccann , maddie , madeleine , cannibal - Current Score: 17 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A woman goes to a hospital casualty department. When the doctor asks her what's wrong, she tells him that she was using a dildo, and accidentally pushed it so far in that it was stuck inside her and now she can't reach it. The doctor tells her to lie on the bed and he will arrange to have it removed. "Removed", she said, "NO, I just wanted you to replace the batteries for me". | |
Joke by AlkringtonPaul, in Sex and shit > Dildo - Tagged dildo , hospital , vibrator , battery - Current Score: 14 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy on board, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snuck him on board the airplane.. About 30 minutes into the trip a stewardess, noticed the man shaking and quivering. "Are you OK, sir?" asked the stewardess? "Ahh... Yes, I'm fine," said the man. Sometime later the stewardess noticed the man moaning, and shaking again... "Are you sure you're all right sir?" "Yes," said the man, "but I have a confession to make. I didn't have time to get the paperwork to bring a puppy on board, so I hid him down the front of my pants." "What's wrong?" asked the stew, "Is he not house broken?" "No, that's not the problem.... The problem is he's not weaned yet!" | |
Joke by AlkringtonPaul, in Jokes with no home > Dog - Tagged dog , dick , plane - Current Score: 8 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Simon Weston has just filed for divorce on the grounds that his wife committed adultery. When asked what evidence he had, he said that her children looked nothing like him. | |
Joke by AlkringtonPaul, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged simon weston , divorce , adultery - Current Score: 6 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
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