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The best of Archibald's 11 jokes (View All)
| What's hairy on the outside, wet on the inside, starts with 'c', ends with 't', and has a 'u' and an 'n' in the middle? A coconut, you sick bastard |    |
Joke by Archibald, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged coconut , hairy - Current Score: 218 - Added: 7 months ago
| A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale. "Afraid not," said the farmer. "I'll give you a thousand bucks!" said the city fella. "I can't sell you that horse. He don't look too good," replied the farmer. "I know horses and he looks fine. I'll give you two thousand!" "Well, all right, if you want him so bad." The next day, the man returned the horse, screaming that he had been gypped. "You sold me a blind horse!" "Well," said the farmer, "I told you he didn't look too good." | |
Joke by Archibald, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged blind - Current Score: 13 - Added: 7 months ago
| Four fonts walk into a bar The barman says, "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here." | |
Joke by Archibald, in Jokes with no home > Bar Jokes - Tagged type , fonts , crap - Current Score: 12 - Added: 7 months ago
| A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery, and the day after the procedure a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing. His friend was amazed at the number of nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc. "Why all the attention?" the friend asked, "You look fine to me." "I know!" grinned the patient. "But the nurses kind of formed a little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-seven stitches." | |
Joke by Archibald, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged big cock , loads of stitches - Current Score: 12 - Added: 8 months ago
| This bloke goes for a job in the Quality Assurance department at Durex. The foreman takes him 'round the plant and shows him all the machinery and offers him the job. "What will the role entail, exactly?" asks the interviewee. "Well", says the foreman, "you have to check one in a hundred", and proceeds to remove one of the rubbers from the production line, stretch it, hold it up to the lights, then place it over his knob and call the secretary over. She proceeds to hitch her skirt up, pull her knickers down and bend over. The foreman gives her a good rogering. After he's finished, he removes the prophylactic, stretches it, holds it up to the light again to confirm no holes. "Easy as that", he says. "When do I start?" asks the fella, unable to believe his luck. "Monday, 8:00 sharp." Naturally, our hero hardly sleeps a wink all Sunday night, and is outside the Durex factory waiting to get in at 6:30. Anyway, the production line starts up and the fella faithfully counts out one hundred ribbed black mambos, (lubricated with sensodol for extracomfort). He picks up the hundred and first, stretches it, holds it up to the light to check for holes then pulls it over his old man and calls the secretary over. Over she comes, grabs hold of his knob, and proceeds to rigorously masturbate him. Rather startled and confused, the bloke just looks at the secretary who says... "Sorry, company policy. You've got to work a week in hand." | |
Joke by Archibald, in Sex and shit > Condom - Tagged condom - Current Score: 11 - Added: 8 months ago
| What is a man's idea of foreplay? Half an hour of begging. | |
| An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she shouted. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" she shouted again. The vagabond said, "might I please...?" "What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish. "De'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?" | |
Joke by Archibald, in Jokes with no home > Alcohol - Tagged george , dragon , inn - Current Score: 8 - Added: 8 months ago
| 2 nipple rings walk into a bar and ask for a beer. The barman says, "I can't serve you." The nipple rings ask, "why not?" The barman says, "well, look at ya, you're off your tits." | |
Joke by Archibald, in Sex and shit > Nipple - Tagged nipple , ring , barman , bar , pub , tits , tit - Current Score: 2 - Added: 8 months ago
| Wendy and Keli were discussing their sex lives. Wendy turns to Keli other and says, "you know, sex with James lately has just gone down the tubes. Neither one of us is ever in the mood and we just aren't clicking any more." Keli replies, "I know what you mean. Greg and I used to have problems too. So we decided to try some S&M." "Really?" Wendy asked shocked. "Yeah," Keli says, "he snores while I masturbate." | |
Joke by Archibald, in Sex and shit > S&M - Tagged s&m , snore , masturbate - Current Score: 2 - Added: 8 months ago
| Sam pulled up a stool at his favourite bar and announced, "My wife Annie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!" "What makes you say that?" the bartender inquired. "Last week," Sam explained, "I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Annie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman and the post office guy came by, she'd run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, 'my old man's home! My old man's home!'" | |
Joke by Archibald, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , postman , milkman - Current Score: 2 - Added: 8 months ago
Custurd spent 5.29ms doing 16 queries and -0.02s processing. She's 11.31% angry.
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