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Aspen's Statistics

User Level: User
Contribution Points: 67 Total Joke Score: 26,272
Country: United kingdom GB Total Time Active: 30 hours, 6 minutes
Total Jokes Submitted: 776 Live Jokes: 360
Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): 416 Duplicate Jokes: 8


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The best of Aspen's 360 jokes (View All)
Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids.

I won!

No one's a match for me and my kettle. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Aspen which requires categorising - Added: 8 months ago - Current Score: 4241.2

My son brought his first girlfriend home tonight. The verdict? Flat chested, fat legs, and a flabby arse.

Oh, and she doesn't react well to criticism. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Aspen which requires categorising - Added: 3 months ago - Current Score: 775.2

I'm one of those people that likes to read while I'm having a shit.

This is also the reason why I'm banned from Waterstones. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Aspen in Sex and shit - Shit - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago - Current Score: 749.4

I went to see a sick friend in hospital earlier...

I found him in the morgue masturbating. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Aspen in Illness and mortality - Hospital - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago - Current Score: 683.6

The school phoned me today and said, "your son's been telling lies"

I said, "well tell him he's bloody good - I ain't got any kids!" 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Aspen in Other - Education - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 652.6

I wanted to buy my son a drum kit today.

My wife said, "I couldn't stay in the house with that racket!"

I bought my son a drum kit today. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Aspen which requires categorising - Added: 3 months ago - Current Score: 635.6

Hey kids, why don't you try a new social networking tool?

It's called, "outside". 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Aspen which requires categorising - Added: 8 months ago - Current Score: 633.8

Only six shopping days 'til Christmas!

Or if you're a bloke - only five and a half days 'til you start your Christmas shopping. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Aspen which requires categorising - Added: 3 months ago - Current Score: 589.4

Got a girl back to my place last night but it ended with erection problems.

She had one. 		I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Aspen which requires categorising - Added: 3 months ago - Current Score: 586.8

Sometimes I like to pop over to the house opposite my pub. I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by Aspen which requires categorising - Added: 4 months ago - Current Score: 524.2

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