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Badvirus's Statistics

User Level: User
Contribution Points: 5 Total Joke Score: 3,565
Country: United kingdom GB Total Time Active: 1 hours, 3 minutes
Total Jokes Submitted: 40 Live Jokes: 37
Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): 3 Duplicate Jokes: 2


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The best of Badvirus's 37 jokes (View All)
A girl visits her doctor and tells him she has terrible discharge.

'Ok, take your knickers off and lets check it out' he says.

She drops her knickers and he has a feel around. He says 'how does that feel?'

She says 'Ruddy wonderful but the discharge is from my ear'.
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Joke by Badvirus in Sex and shit - Doctor - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 326.8

One day a builder got home a little early, and found his wife in bed with another man.
Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage.
He then secured the man's cock in a vice.

The man shitting himself screamed "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?"

"Nope," replied the builder, "You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."
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Joke by Badvirus in Crime - Domestic Violence - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 273.4

Why are Hurricanes named after women?

Because when they come, they're wild and wet, and when they go they take your house and your car.
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Joke by Badvirus in Sex and shit - Women - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 259.6

A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water.

His wife asks, "What's that for?"

"It's for your headache."

"I don't have a headache!"

"Fancy a fuck then?"
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Joke by Badvirus which requires categorising - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 255.4

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands,

Police say that he topped himself.
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Joke by Badvirus in Other - Professions - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 220

A woman walks into a chemist and asks the man behind the counter if he sells extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes, we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She replies, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"
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Joke by Badvirus in Sex and shit - Condom - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 214

How do you make five pounds of fat look good?

Give it a nipple.
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Joke by Badvirus in Racism - Sexism - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 196.2

A man and his wife are sound asleep in bed when the phones rings
The man picks up, listens for a few seconds and says, "How the fuck would I know, you fucking idiot! I'm not a fucking weatherman fuck off."
The wife asks, "Who was that dear?"
Husband says, "Some cunt asking if the coast was clear."
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Joke by Badvirus in Sex and shit - Adultery - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 183.2

There once was a fellow named Dave
Who dug up a whore from her grave
She was mouldy as shit
And missing a tit
But think of the money he saved
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Joke by Badvirus in Other - Limerick - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 174

What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?

Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

Or Abu Hamza.
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Joke by Badvirus in Sex and shit - Fingering - Added: 2 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 160.6

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