DDJ has a score of 2588 at the moment.
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The best of DDJ's 25 jokes (View All)
| What's long and hard and makes women groan? An Ironing Board. |    |
Joke by DDJ, in Jokes with no home > random - Tagged women , ironing , hard , iron - Current Score: 551 - Added: 8 months ago
| I was reading about Shannon Matthews' mum earlier today, that she's got 7 kids by 5 different fathers. Personally, I think that's fucking disgusting... I mean, what man would want to shag her twice? | |
Joke by DDJ, in Celebrity and news events > Karen Matthews - Tagged shannon , shannon matthews , matthews , shannons mum , dewsbury , karen matthews - Current Score: 304 - Added: 6 months, 30 days ago
| What's green and smells like yellow paint? Green Paint. | |
Joke by DDJ, in Jokes with no home > One Liners - Tagged one-liners , paint , yellow , green - Current Score: 276 - Added: 1 year ago
| An Irish family have frozen to death outside a theatre in Dublin. They had been queuing for 3 weeks to see Closed For The Winter. | |
Joke by DDJ, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , theatre , dublin , ireland , stupid , dead - Current Score: 193 - Added: 11 months ago
| There's just two things that I absolutely cannot stand in the work place: gender discrimination, and women. | |
Joke by DDJ, in Sex and shit > Women - Tagged women , discrimination - Current Score: 185 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| Jewish man takes his wife to hospital, she has 2 black eyes, no teeth and a broken nose. Doctor says, "What happened?" Jew replies, "She was going through the change." "What? The change? This doesn't happen in the change!" "It does when it's in my fucking pocket!" | |
Joke by DDJ, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged jew , tight bastard , money - Current Score: 121 - Added: 7 months ago
| Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize. Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his quid. The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy." | |
Joke by DDJ, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged sex , speech impedement - Current Score: 114 - Added: 11 months ago
| It's quite ironic that people with club feet generally aren't very good at dancing. | |
Joke by DDJ, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged club feet , club , dancing - Current Score: 109 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| Two Royal Logistic Corps Pioneers, Nigel and Jasper, have been promoted from Privates to Corporals. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Nigel says, "hey, Jasper, there's the NCO's Club. Let's you and me stop for a pint." "But we're Privates," protests Jasper. "We're Corporals now," says Nigel, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm gonna sit down and have a drink." "But we're Privates," says Jasper. "Are you blind, numbnuts?" asks Nigel, pointing at his stripes. "We're corporals now." So they have their drink, and pretty soon a female Corporal comes up to Nigel. "You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhoea." Nigel pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhoea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign." So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Nigel the big okay sign. Three weeks later Nigel is laid up in the Med Center with a terrible case of gonorrhoea. "Jasper," he says, "why did you give me the okay?" "Well, Nigel, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhoea affects only the privates." He points to his stripes. "But we're Corporals now!" | |
Joke by DDJ, in Sex and shit > gonorrheoa - Tagged sex , gonorrheoa , royal logistics corps , corporals , pioneers - Current Score: 66 - Added: 11 months ago
| Wimbledon 2009, Day 3 Report: History has been made here today at the All England Lawn Tennis Club. For the first time ever, all the Brits participating in Wimbledon are still in the competition after three days. We are all hoping that the rain will have stopped by Day 4... | |
Joke by DDJ, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged wimbledon , brits , shit - Current Score: 49 - Added: 3 months, 20 days ago
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