Emm has a score of 326 at the moment.
The score reflects joke quality and moderation rewards.
Send Emm a message
The best of Emm's 18 jokes (View All)
| After not finding a suitable virgin to marry, a rich man takes a young girl from an orphanage and puts her in the care of a monastary until she reaches the age of marriage. He picks her up ten years later, marries her, and they go on the honeymoon. She is waiting naked in bed and he walks in with a bottle of vaseline in hand and she asks, "what's that for?" He says, "being your first time, this will help ease it in." She laughs and says, "why don't you just spit on the end of your dick, like the priests did?" |    |
Joke by Emm, in Sex and shit > Virgin - Tagged virgin , marry , naked - Current Score: 131 - Added: 3 months ago
| Three CEOs from the top beer companies go to a conference in Vegas and pop into a pub after for a few pints. The head of Budweiser orders a Bud, lifts his mug and claims, "best beer in the world." The head of Molsons orders a Canadian and lifts his mug and claims, "best beer in the world." The head of Guinness orders a sparkling mineral water. The bartender asks him, "hey, aren't you going to have a beer with your buddies?" "Fuck, no," he answers. "If they're not drinking alcohol, why should I?" | |
Joke by Emm, in Jokes with no home > Alcohol - Tagged beer , ceo , alcohol - Current Score: 42 - Added: 1 month ago
| A Saudi couple, Ahmed and Layla, preparing for their wedding, meet with their Mullah for counseling. The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave. Ahmed asks, 'We realise it's tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women but, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together.' 'Absolutely not,' says the Mullah. 'It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately.' 'So, after the ceremony, I can't even dance with my own wife?' 'No,' answered the Mullah, 'It's forbidden in Islam.' 'Well, okay,' says Ahmed, 'What about sex? Can we finally have sex?' 'Of course!' replies the Mullah, 'Allahu Akbar!(GOD is great) Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!' 'What about different positions?' asks the man. 'Allahu Akbar! Mafi Mushkila (no problem),' says the Mullah. 'Woman on top?' Ahmed asks. 'Sure,' says the Mullah.'Allahu Akbar. Go for it!' 'Doggy style?' 'Sure! Allahu Akbar!' 'On the kitchen table?' 'Yes, yes! Allahu Akbar!' 'Can I do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porno video?' 'You may indeed.. Allahu Akbar!' 'Can we do it standing up?' 'No, absolutely not!' says the Mullah.' 'Why not?' asks the man. 'Because that could lead to dancing!' | |
Joke by Emm, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged dancing , mullah , saudi couple - Current Score: 27 - Added: 3 months ago
| A young lion was talking to and older lion just before they were to be let into the Roman Forum for the final showdown with the Christians. "This is the first time for me, I'm not sure what I should do," said the younger lion. The older lion says, "it's easy: you run up to the Christians and roar as load as you can and take a swipe at them with your paw, just before you eat them!" "Why all the theatrics?" asks the younger lion. "Shouldn't we just eat them?" The older lion shakes his head, "NO, it's better to scare the shit out of them first...they taste better that way!" | |
Joke by Emm, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged lions , christians , scare , shit - Current Score: 21 - Added: 3 months ago
| How many Americans can you fit in a phone booth? A whole army, if you put it in the middle of a desert and tell them its not theirs. | |
Joke by Emm, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged americans , phone booth - Current Score: 20 - Added: 2 months, 28 days ago
| Seven year old Aishia and her kid brother Yuseff are talking about Mohammed. Aishia said, "last night Uncle Mo came to me and told me I had the gates of paradise between my legs and he had the key between his." "That's funny," Yuseff replied. "For the last two years he's been telling me it's Ibrihim's trumpet and I've got to learn how to play it" | |
Joke by Emm, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged mohammed , yuseff , trumpet , key - Current Score: 18 - Added: 3 months ago
| Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!" The wrestler nodded in agreement. Now, to the match The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold! A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending. Suddenly there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!" The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. "I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could...You'd be amazed at the surge of strength you get when you bite your own balls!" | |
Joke by Emm, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged wresting , olympics , balls , bite , billy connolly - Current Score: 16 - Added: 3 months ago
| What's red and has 7 little dents in it? Snow White's cherry. | |
Joke by Emm, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged snow white , cherry - Current Score: 14 - Added: 2 months, 27 days ago
| How did all the Pakis get to Canada? The first one swam and the rest walked over on top of the dead fish. | |
Joke by Emm, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged paki , fish - Current Score: 12 - Added: 3 months ago
| A woman goes to a gynecologist and he tells her to undress and do a headstand with her legs spread up against a full-length mirror on the wall. He leaves the examination room for a minute and when he comes back in he walks up to her, bends down, and places his chin right in her crotch. He gets back up, writes a prescription out for her and tells her that she has a yeast infection. The puzzled woman asks him, "you could tell I had a yeast infection by putting your chin onto my crotch?" The doctor laughed and said, "no....I just wanted to see what I look like with a goatee." | |
Joke by Emm, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged gynecologist , chin , goatee - Current Score: 12 - Added: 3 months ago
Custurd spent 0.07ms doing 16 queries and 0.07s processing. She's 0.02% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel