Holmesie has a score of 340 at the moment.
The score reflects joke quality and moderation rewards.
Send Holmesie a message
The best of Holmesie's 8 jokes (View All)
| What does Hiroshima in Japan and Khartoum in the Sudan have in common? Nothing...yet |    |
Joke by Holmesie, in Celebrity and news events > Teddy Bear Mohammed - Tagged teddy , bear , mohammed , hiroshima , khartoum , sudan - Current Score: 122 - Added: 10 months ago
| A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. Ive got a special game for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for £300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?". He pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays six fifty pound notes on the bar and says slowly: "Paint...My...House." | |
Joke by Holmesie, in Sex and shit > Prostitution - Tagged hooker , paint , house - Current Score: 89 - Added: 11 months ago
| John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face." "He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him." "You did," came the reply. "And he fired you." "Well, screw him!" said John. "I did. You're back at work on Monday." | |
Joke by Holmesie, in Jokes with no home > Christmas - Tagged christmas , xmas , santa , office party - Current Score: 60 - Added: 11 months ago
| What breaks as soon as you give it to a six year old? Their pelvis. | |
Joke by Holmesie, in Sex and shit > Paedophilia - Tagged sick , paedo - Current Score: 22 - Added: 11 months ago
| Why is steve mcclaren similar to a man with no hands? Both are completely useless wankers | |
Joke by Holmesie, in Celebrity and news events > Football - Tagged wanker , mcclaren england - Current Score: 14 - Added: 11 months ago
| Steve McClaren was out shopping when he spied a little, old, mentally handicapped cripple with one arm and one leg, struggling with his heavy shopping. feeling samaritan like, he said; "excuse me friend, but can you manage?" "yes" he replied "and so much fucking better than you can" | |
Joke by Holmesie, in Celebrity and news events > Football - Tagged mcclaren , england , croatia , cripple - Current Score: 10 - Added: 11 months ago
| Jose Mourinho has stated to the press that he does not want the England job, prefering instead a hidden existence in Portugal, never to be seen or heard from again.... The McCanns are offering their help..... | |
Joke by Holmesie, in Celebrity and news events > Football - Tagged mourinho , england , croatia , mccanns - Current Score: 7 - Added: 11 months ago
| the english FA and national team are under investigation by the Inland Revenue for tax evasion. they've been claiming for Silver Polish for the past 30 years. | |
Joke by Holmesie, in Celebrity and news events > Football - Tagged england. mcclaren , croatia , tax - Current Score: 6 - Added: 11 months ago
Custurd spent 0.04ms doing 14 queries and -0.01s processing. She's 1.06% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel