J111STRX8 has a score of 730 at the moment.
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The best of J111STRX8's 15 jokes (View All)
| Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple; and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Question: Who was the survivor? Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. **** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. **** Men keep scrolling. So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: Women never listen |    |
Joke by J111STRX8, in Sex and shit > Sexist - Tagged women , men , santa , wife , husband , sexist - Current Score: 131 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned- frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. She pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in the car! | |
Joke by J111STRX8, in Sex and shit > General - Tagged married , girlfriend , sister , sex - Current Score: 124 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| I had this amazing cab driver, he was driving a black cab, and he was whistling & smiling. He was clearly having a brilliant time. He said "I love my job, Im my own boss nobody tells me what to do". I said, "take a left here" | |
Joke by J111STRX8, in Jokes with no home > Jimmy Carr - Tagged jimmy carr , cab , boss - Current Score: 67 - Added: 1 year ago
| A word of warning for those of you who may be regular B & Q customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get a few bits and pieces has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you! Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start wiping your windscreen with a rag and Windolene, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another B&Q or Wickes. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen November 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, and 24th. Also December 1st, 3rd, twice on the 7th, three times just yesterday and very likely again this upcoming weekend. So, please be careful during these trying times. | |
Joke by J111STRX8, in Jokes with no home > Shops - Tagged b&q , shopping , scam - Current Score: 64 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A Ukranian woman bumps into Chelsea footy team at a nightclub. She goes up to John Terry and asks him to sign her left breast, he says yes so she lifts up her top and he signs it. She then asks Drogba to sign her right breast, he also says yes so she lifts up her top again and he signs it. She then asks Roman Abramovich to sign her "lady's area", Roman says yes and she pulls down her knickers, to which he replies, "Actually on second thoughts I'll pass- the last time I signed a Ukrainian twat it cost me £30 million." | |
Joke by J111STRX8, in Celebrity and news events > Football - Tagged chelsea , chelski , football , london , cunt , shevchenko - Current Score: 53 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| When I was a kid I was scared of the dentist. He was a paedophile. | |
Joke by J111STRX8, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged jimmy carr , peadophile , dentist - Current Score: 43 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| An Aussie, Irishman and American are about to have lunch on 35th floor of a construction site. The Aussie opens up his lunch box to discover a vegimite sandwich, he groans "If my wife makes me another Vegimite sandwich I'm going to jump off this building" The American opens up his lunch box and discovers a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, he turns to the 2 man and says "If my wife makes me another peanut and jelly sandwich I'm jumping off too" The Irish mans opens his lunch box to discover a ham sandwich, he turns to the other two man and says "If I get another ham sandwich I'm jumping as well" The next day at lunch the Aussie opens up his lunch box and finds a Vegimite sandwich, so he jumps. The American opens his lunch box finds a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and jumps off. The Irishman opens his lunch box and finds a ham sandwich and he jumps too. A week later at the funeral all the wives are gathered in a circle crying. The wife of the Aussie says 'Why did I only make him vegimite sandwiches, I could have changed it at least once? The American wife says 'I should have made a different sandwich and not the same one every day" The wife of the Irishman stood back in confusion, looked at the two woman and said "I don't understand it - he makes his own lunch" | |
Joke by J111STRX8, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , american , aussie - Current Score: 41 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| What do Princess Diana & John Terry have in common? They both hit the post | |
Joke by J111STRX8, in Celebrity and news events > Chelsea - Tagged chelski , john "cry baby" terry , cheat , spit , diana - Current Score: 40 - Added: 5 months, 30 days ago
| "Do you know what rohypnol smells like? No? ...Can I buy you a drink?" | |
Joke by J111STRX8, in Sex and shit > Rape - Tagged rohypnol , rape , date rape - Current Score: 32 - Added: 3 months ago
| Emo cake The cake that cuts itself | |
Joke by J111STRX8, in Religion and racism > Emo - Tagged emo , cake , cuts , itself - Current Score: 20 - Added: 6 months, 24 days ago
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