Two Englishmen - businessmen in London - were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Scotsman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Scottish accent asked, " [...]

Two Englishmen - businessmen in London - were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Scotsman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Scottish accent asked, "What are you selling here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling arseholes."

Without skipping a beat, the Scotsman said, "You are doing well. Only two left!"

A man goes to see the doctor complaining he has an orange cock. The doctor asks him to flop it out so he can have a look to see what the trouble is. The man duly gets his cock out for the doctor and, sure enough, it's bright orange.

The doctor is amazed by this and tells the man he has never seen anything like it before and asks him when he last had had sex?
"Never," says the man, "I'm a virgin and live on my own".
"Does anyone else in your f [...]

A man goes to see the doctor complaining he has an orange cock. The doctor asks him to flop it out so he can have a look to see what the trouble is. The man duly gets his cock out for the doctor and, sure enough, it's bright orange.

The doctor is amazed by this and tells the man he has never seen anything like it before and asks him when he last had had sex?
"Never," says the man, "I'm a virgin and live on my own".
"Does anyone else in your family have this affliction?" asks the doc.
"Not that I'm aware of" replies the man.
"Do you work with any strong chemicals?" queries the doctor.
"No, I'm unemployed" states the man.
"Really," says the doctor, "what do you do all day, then?"
The man replies, "I sit at home watching porn films eating Wotsits."

A fireman was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red pedal car with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a fireman's helmet. The pedal was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fireman walked over to take a closer look.
"That's is a nice fire engine," he said with admiration.
"Thank you," the girl replied.
The fireman looked [...]

A fireman was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red pedal car with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a fireman's helmet. The pedal was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fireman walked over to take a closer look.
"That's is a nice fire engine," he said with admiration.
"Thank you," the girl replied.
The fireman looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied the pedal car to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little girl," the fireman said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your appliance, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's Collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.

After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said,
"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little BILLY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

"Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

[...]

Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.

After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said,
"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little BILLY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

"Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

"No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own fucking business!!"

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge.
The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time.
I want you to go out his weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever.
I'll see you back in court Monday".
Monday , the two guys were in court; and the judge said to the first one, "How did y [...]

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge.
The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time.
I want you to go out his weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever.
I'll see you back in court Monday".
Monday , the two guys were in court; and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, Your Honour, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, Your Honour. I drew two circles like this..... O o ... and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. " And you , how did you do ? " the judge asked the second guy.
" Well, Your Honour, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?" asked the judge.
" Well, I used a similar approach (he draws two circles).... o O
"I said (pointing to the small circle) "this is your asshole before prison......(pointing to the big circle) "this is your asshole in prison!"