I couldn't give a flying fuck if it's a duplicate.
Nimrod's Statistics
Nimrod has a score of 1596 at the moment.
The score reflects joke quality and moderation rewards.
Send Nimrod a message
The best of Nimrod's 30 jokes (View All)
| Got home from the pub at 3 o clock this morning and the missus was waiting at the door with a rolling pin. I said "What the fuck you doing baking at this hour?" |    |
Joke by Nimrod, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged women , baking - Current Score: 279 - Added: 5 months, 14 days ago
| With the price of food going up, you've got to dig deep for a Chinese these days. | |
Joke by Nimrod, in Religion and racism > Chinese - Tagged food , chinese - Current Score: 204 - Added: 4 months, 19 days ago
| A man hates his wife's cat so much he drives to the next town and dumps it. When he gets home, it's there. Next day he drives 50 miles and dumps it. When he gets home, it's there. So the next day he drives to the other side of the country and dumps it. One hour later he rings his wife and asks, "is the cat home?" "Yes, why?" asks his wife. "Put the cunt on," he says, "I'm fucking lost." | |
Joke by Nimrod, in Jokes with no home > Cat - Tagged cat , wife , man , dump - Current Score: 181 - Added: 3 months, 21 days ago
| Paddy asks Murphy if he wants any fags when he goes on his holidays. Murphy says "Yeah, cheers mate get me 200 Bensons." Two weeks later Paddy comes home, sees Murphy in the pub and says, "I got your fags, you owe me sixty-eight quid." "For fuck's sake," said Murphy, "where did you go on holiday?" Paddy says, "Butlins." | |
Joke by Nimrod, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , fags , butlins , paddy - Current Score: 114 - Added: 3 months, 22 days ago
| The head of MI5 says that terrorism poses a threat to every single person in the UK. That doesn't bother me - I got married last week. | |
Joke by Nimrod, in Jokes with no home > Terror Alert - Tagged terrorism , married , viz - Current Score: 109 - Added: 2 months, 26 days ago
| Paddy buys a bath but takes it back the next day complaining that the water keeps running out. The manager asks, "did you buy a plug?" Paddy says, "you cunt! You never said it was electric!" | |
Joke by Nimrod, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged paddy , bath , plug - Current Score: 105 - Added: 5 months ago
| Mike Tyson walks into an Irish bar in New York and shouts "I'm worth 23 million dollars and I only fuck white women!" Paddy goes up to him, whispers in his ear and Tyson knocks him clean out. The barman picks Paddy up, brings him round and says "What the fuck did you say to him?" Paddy says "If I had 23 million dollars, I wouldn't fuck Niggers either!" | |
Joke by Nimrod, in Religion and racism > Black - Tagged mike tyson , niggers - Current Score: 68 - Added: 5 months, 12 days ago
| I flew TransAtlantic last month. I couldn't believe it when I saw my old mate Jack on the same flight. I shouted out "Hi Jack!" And six Yanks shat themselves. | |
Joke by Nimrod, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged transatlantic , hi jack - Current Score: 55 - Added: 4 months, 18 days ago
| I kept asking my wife to stand upside down facing the mirror so I could stick my head between her legs She said "You kinky bastard, what are you up to now?" I said "I'm not fucking kinky - I just wanted to see what I look like with a beard." | |
Joke by Nimrod, in Sex and shit > camping - Tagged kinky , bastard - Current Score: 39 - Added: 4 months, 18 days ago
| One swallow doesn't make a summer, but it sure does make a great end to an evening. | |
Joke by Nimrod, in Sex and shit > Blow Job - Tagged swallow , sperm - Current Score: 38 - Added: 3 months, 15 days ago
Custurd spent 0.69ms doing 16 queries and 0.32s processing. She's 2.36% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel