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Philthy's Statistics

User Level: User
Contribution Points: 0 Total Joke Score: 2,695
Country:   Total Time Active: 14 minutes
Total Jokes Submitted: 14 Live Jokes: 10
Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): 4 Duplicate Jokes: 3


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The best of Philthy's 10 jokes (View All)
I had a mate who was suicidal.

He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.

He was chuffed to bits.
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Joke by Philthy in Illness and mortality - Suicide - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 785.2

Girls:

If you get a message from your boyfriend saying that he wants to "kick your puppy", don't call the RSPCA...

He's just not very good at predictive text.
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Joke by Philthy in Sex and shit - Girlfriend - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago - Current Score: 687.4

What's got 8 legs and doesn't rape children?

The Jackson 4.
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Joke by Philthy which requires categorising - Added: 9 months ago - Current Score: 458.8

I did some DIY with my step-ladder the other night.

I never really got along with my real ladder.
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Joke by Philthy in Illness and mortality - Orphan - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago - Current Score: 326

Dave comes home from work early one day.

He walks in to the kitchen and sees his wife on her knees, scrubbing the floor. He watches the rhythmic movements of her bum stuck high in the air for a few seconds, before he can't take it any more.

Without a word, he lifts up her skirt, slides in and gives her the pounding of her life until they both orgasm loudly. Then he zips himself up, gets to his feet and kicks her up the arse as hard as he can.

"What the [...]

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Joke by Philthy in Sex and shit - Sex - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago - Current Score: 234

What's black and white and red all over?

An inter-racial couple in a car crash.
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Joke by Philthy which requires categorising - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 103.8

What do you call an Asian with a big cock?

Azif.
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Joke by Philthy in Religion - Muslim - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago - Current Score: 64

I was leaving work today, about to get in the lift on the top floor of the building to go home, when some cunt in an electric wheelchair comes from nowhere, whips in front of me and fills up the lift, saying he was, "In a hurry".

I told him if he was in such a hurry, he should go down the fucking stairs.
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Joke by Philthy in Illness and mortality - Disability - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago - Current Score: 24

My girlfriend cooked me a meal tonight.

"This is Michelin standard food!" I told her. She blushed.

I continued "Because it fucking tastes like old tyres."
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Joke by Philthy which requires categorising - Added: 6 months ago - Current Score: 15.2

I wanted to try anal sex with my wife.

I was going to cook her a nice meal, buy her some flowers, get her a bit tipsy and then seductively suggest it to her.

But in the end I just buggered it up.
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Joke by Philthy in Sex and shit - Anal - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: -1.2

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