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ReigatePen's Statistics

User Level: User
Contribution Points: 297 Total Joke Score: 52,518
Country: United kingdom GB Total Time Active: 233 hours, 45 minutes
Total Jokes Submitted: 1660 Live Jokes: 765
Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): 895 Duplicate Jokes: 13


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The best of ReigatePen's 765 jokes (View All)
I just read this joke on Sickipedia by adam6177:

"I just don't get it, everyone goes on about David Beckham being thick...... but no cunt says anything about Stephen Hawking being shit at football, do they?!"

Give credit where it's due, mate - he's great at dribbling.
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Joke by ReigatePen in Celebrities - Stephen Hawking - Added: 1 year, 8 months ago - Current Score: 2176

Just think - the old homeless guy who sits outside my local station doesn't know what it's like to have a full tummy on Christmas Day.

But he will do this Friday, thanks to me -

I'm gonna go down there and tell him.
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Joke by ReigatePen which requires categorising - Added: 3 months ago - Current Score: 1361

My sister talks about sex online with people she doesn't know.

She thinks ;)
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Joke by ReigatePen which requires categorising - Added: 9 months ago - Current Score: 1231.4

Just waiting for the new babysitter to get here...

...the absence of a baby will be only her second biggest shock of the night.
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Joke by ReigatePen in Crime - Rape - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago - Current Score: 952.8

Stephen Hawking had a hot date last night.

She stood him up...

And he immediately fell on the floor.
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Joke by ReigatePen in Celebrities - Stephen Hawking - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago - Current Score: 951.2

I've been teaching my daughter about masturbation today and she's been asking loads of questions...

Like, "When do I get to use my own hand?"
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Joke by ReigatePen in Sex and shit - Masturbation - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 854

Why doesn't Viagra work on chavs?

Cos they only get hard when they've got ten mates behind them.
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Joke by ReigatePen in Racism - Chav - Added: 2 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 805.4

My girlfriend pulled up a chair earlier and said, "We need to talk about our future."

I said, "Yeah, it's gonna be fucking mental - we'll have flying cars, shiny silver suits, holidays on the moon!"

I'm now single.
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Joke by ReigatePen which requires categorising - Added: 1 year, 8 months ago - Current Score: 779.4

My boss is black and this week he called me into his office and accused me of being racist.

I told him I don't like his tone.
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Joke by ReigatePen in Racism - Pakistani - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago - Current Score: 647.2

When I was a kid I was very ill in hospital and Gary Glitter came to visit me.

I was touched.
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Joke by ReigatePen in Celebrities - Gary Glitter - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago - Current Score: 646

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