Bloke who lives in Glasgow. Likes sick jokes. Loves the idea of this site, horrified at how some unscupulous people are posting awful, poorly written and copied jokes.
RossMcG's Statistics
RossMcG has a score of 4009 at the moment.
The score reflects joke quality and moderation rewards.
Send RossMcG a message
The best of RossMcG's 19 jokes (View All)
| Thank God for the "save maddie fund." The parents can afford a babysitter now. |    |
Joke by RossMcG, in Celebrity and news events > A Levels - Tagged fund , madeleine , maddie , madeleine mccann , babysitter - Current Score: 311 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| The Pope and Margaret Thatcher are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd. The ex-PM and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, Maggie says to the Pope, "did you know that, with just one little wave of my hand, I can make every Conservative in the crowd go wild?" He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Conservative in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides. The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do. "That was impressive, but did you know that, with just one little wave of my hand, I can make every person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice." Thatcher seriously doubts this and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me." So the Pope punched her. | |
Joke by RossMcG, in Celebrity and news events > Margaret Thatcher - Tagged thatcher , pope , maggie thatcher , margaret thatcher - Current Score: 181 - Added: 11 months ago
| Why is the part of a woman between her hips and her breasts called a waist? Because they could have easily fitted in another pair of tits there. | |
Joke by RossMcG, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged woman , women , breasts , tits , sexism , sexist , female - Current Score: 147 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Tom Cruise gets up one day. Looking in the mirror, he's admiring his body. "Mmm, looking good today Tom," he says. He then gives his pecs a little squeeze- "Mmmm, feeling good Tom." He suddenly notices a funny smell, takes a whiff of himself and almost chokes- "Fuck, I smell awful!" So he goes to talk to Katie. "Katie," he says, "there's something wrong with me!" "Well you look good," says Katie, walking toward him, "and you feel good," she says giving him a little squeeze, then suddenly "Fuck Tom, you smell fucking awful! Get to the doctor!" So Tom goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, there's something seriously wrong!" "Well, take a seat and I'll examine you," says the doctor. "Hmmm. Well, you look good Tom...... and you feel pretty good..... oh dear God you smell awful!" So the doctor goes over to his medical books to make a diagnosis. "Do you know what's wrong with me Doctor?" "Lets see Tom. So you look good, you feel good but you smell awful........ ah yes, here we are." "You're a cunt." | |
Joke by RossMcG, in Celebrity and news events > Tom Cruise - Tagged tom , cruise , cunt - Current Score: 122 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Early one morning, the Pope was having a nice shower, when he felt a certain tingle down there. Figuring that a little sin never did anyone any harm, he proceeds to have a quick wank. Just as he climaxes though, he here's a strange "click" noise. Quickly, he grabs a towel and exits the shower, and sees a paparazzo lens sticking through the bathroom window. "You there!" He shouts. "You must give me that camera!" "Are you kidding?" says the paparazzo. "I just got a photo of the Pope wanking! I'm rich" "But my child," says the pope, "You could bring down the Church if people knew! Think of the chaos, the heartache!" "Sorry pal, this pic is worth millions to me." The pope sighs. "Very well, if I give you ten million euros will you give me the camera?" The paparazzo thinks on this for a moment and agrees. So the Pope writes him a cheque, takes the camera and sends him on his way. Later, as he's sitting on his bed grumbling and trying to get the film out, a maid walks in. "Oh, your Holiness," says the maid, "that's a very nice camera. How much did it cost you?" "Ten million euros." grunts the Pope. "Ten million euros? TEN MILLION EUROS?" They must have seen you coming!" | |
Joke by RossMcG, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged pope , catholic , wank , masturbate , catholicism - Current Score: 104 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A couple are celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary and manage to book the very same resort, even hotel room, that they used on their honeymoon. Deciding to give her husband a little treat, the wife slips off into the bathroom while hubby's watching TV to slip on the negligee that she wore that first night together. She opens the bathroom door, and her husband looks over. "What were you thinking 25 years ago, darling?" she asks. "I was thinking," he replies, "that I'm going to suck your tits dry and fuck your brains out." She smiles. "And now?" He replies, "I'm thinking I did a pretty good job of it." | |
Joke by RossMcG, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , husband , honeymoon , sexist , man , woman - Current Score: 62 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| One hot, sunny afternoon a gent is lying back on a sun lounger, sipping a cool beer, while his wife struggles to mow the lawn with a clapped-out old lawnmower. One of their neighbors, hanging out her washing, notices this and decides to comment. "Look at the state of you!" she yells at the husband. "Sitting there, relaxing, getting drunk while your poor wife struggles to mow your lawn! You should be bloody well hung!" "I am," he replies, "that's why she's mowing the lawn." | |
Joke by RossMcG, in Sex and shit > Marriage - Tagged wife , husband , sexist , sexism - Current Score: 53 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| After her fifth child, Lucy decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there. Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed. "Who are these from ?" she asked the nurse. "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them." "Well," said the nurse, "the first is from the surgeon- the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks." "Ahhh, thats really nice!" said Lucy. "The second is from your husband- he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!" "Brilliant!" said Lucy. "And the third?" "That's from Eric in the burns unit." said the nurse. "He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears!" | |
Joke by RossMcG, in Jokes with no home > Medical - Tagged medical , ears , vagina , surgery , wife - Current Score: 45 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| One day at primary school, the teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give 50p to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." An Irish lad put his hand up and said, "It's Bono!" The teacher said, "Sorry, Sean, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put up his hand and said, "It's Sean Connery!" The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either." Finally, a little Jewish girl raised her hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Esther. Come up here and I'll give you your 50p." As the teacher was giving Esther her money, she said, "You know Esther, you being Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Esther replied, "I know- in my heart it's Moses, but business is business." | |
Joke by RossMcG, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged jew , jewish , school , children , teacher - Current Score: 28 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Bill and Ben are having a wash. Bill says, "Flobbadob-de-bobble-de-biddledy." To which Ben replies, "Look, if you do that again you can get the fuck out the bath." | |
Joke by RossMcG, in Jokes with no home > Fart - Tagged bill , ben , fart , bath - Current Score: 21 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
Custurd spent 0.08ms doing 16 queries and 0.11s processing. She's 0.26% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel