A teacher starts a new job at a primary school on Merseyside and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she's a big football fan and supports Liverpool. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Liverpool fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a Liverpool fan miss," [...]

A teacher starts a new job at a primary school on Merseyside and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she's a big football fan and supports Liverpool. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Liverpool fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a Liverpool fan miss," she replies. The teacher, still shocked asks:"Well, if your not a Liverpool Fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I'm a West Ham fan, and proud of it," Mary replies. The teacher can't believe her ears. "Mary, how come you're a Hammers fan?"
"Because my mum and dad are from London's East End and are West Ham fans, so I'm a West Ham fan too!"
"Still," says the teacher, annoyed, "that's no reason for you to be a West Ham fan as well. You don't have to be like your parents all the time, do you? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief. Would you be like them then?"
"No," smiles Mary, "I'd be a Liverpool fan."

After a really good party, a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the three women sitting next to him and says, "you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The first woman replies, "I am 240 pounds, a world kick-boxing champion and I'm actually a natural blonde. My friend here is 190 pounds, a world Judo champion and she's also a natural blonde. And my other friend weighs 200 pounds, used to be a world arm wrestling champion, and like m [...]

After a really good party, a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the three women sitting next to him and says, "you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The first woman replies, "I am 240 pounds, a world kick-boxing champion and I'm actually a natural blonde. My friend here is 190 pounds, a world Judo champion and she's also a natural blonde. And my other friend weighs 200 pounds, used to be a world arm wrestling champion, and like me and our other friend, is a natural blonde. So, do you still want to tell me that joke?"
The man thinks for a while. "Um, no" he replies. "Not if I'll have to explain it three times..."

A Man is in work when he gets a phone call from the hospital. "Hello?" he says.
The nurse at the other end says, "Hello sir, I'm nurse Julie. Today your wife and son were involved in an accident when a lorry mounted the pavement and ran them over."
"Oh My God!" says the man. "I'll be right over."

After spending hours in the waiting room, the doctor comes out of the operating room and says, "Sir, I have good news and bad new [...]

A Man is in work when he gets a phone call from the hospital. "Hello?" he says.
The nurse at the other end says, "Hello sir, I'm nurse Julie. Today your wife and son were involved in an accident when a lorry mounted the pavement and ran them over."
"Oh My God!" says the man. "I'll be right over."

After spending hours in the waiting room, the doctor comes out of the operating room and says, "Sir, I have good news and bad news, which would you like first?"
"Gimme the bad news first doc."

"Okay, I'm very sorry to inform you that, despite are greatest efforts, we could not save your wife and your son will be brain damaged for the rest of his life."

The man breaks down in tears and cries hysterically for a few minutes. When he pulls himself together, he says, "How could there possibly be good news?"

"Well," says the doctor, "the Paki the driver was trying to hit died instantly."