Spoonfed has a score of 271 at the moment.
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The best of Spoonfed's 7 jokes (View All)
| A man was having some trouble in bed with his wife of 20 years, he kept finishing early. To remedy this he went to the doctors who told him to, before he gets home, masturbate until just before he comes, then to have sex with his wife and that he will be able to last. The man thinks about where he can have a wank and decides on under his car on the way home because work is too crowded and he can pretend to be checking the axle or something. On the way home he pulls over to the side of the road, lies down under the car pretending to be checking the axle, he closes his eyes and starts wanking, invisioning his wife. A little while later he hears footsteps and a voice called "Hello sir, I'm a cop, can I ask you what you're doing here?" so the man, still with his eyes shut, said, "I'm just checking my rear axle officer." To which the officer replies, "You might want to check your brakes too mate because your car rolled down the hill five minutes ago." |    |
Joke by Spoonfed, in Sex and shit > Wanking - Tagged wanking , police , impotence , sex - Current Score: 95 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| I recently found out that watching sex scenes on TV with your parents is embarrassing, I didn't even know that they knew how to use the camcorder. | |
Joke by Spoonfed, in Sex and shit > Parents - Tagged sex , tv , parents - Current Score: 48 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A man is out walking in the hills when he sees a woman standing on the edge of a cliff. She is very upset and crying loudly. "What are you doing up here?" says the man. "I’m going to kill myself," replied the woman. "Well, before you do, what about letting me fuck you in the ass?" said the man. The woman proceeds to let him fuck her in the ass and it's the best one the guy can remember. "Anyway, why do you want to kill yourself?" asks the man. "Because my family have disowned me for dressing up as a woman." | |
Joke by Spoonfed, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged gay , transvestite , anal sex , anal - Current Score: 46 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Penis breath, a lover's dread Is what you get when you give head Unpleasant as it tends to be Be grateful that he doesn't pee It's times like this, you wonder why you bothered reaching for his fly But it's too late, can't be a tease Accept the facts, get on your knees You know you've got a job to do So open wide and shove it through Lick the tip then take it all Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl Slide up and down, use your tongue And feel the precum start to run So when the fuck's he gonna cum Just, when you can't take anymore You hear your lover's mighty roar And when he hits that real high note You feel it oozing down your throat Salty, sticky, yucky stuff Okay, already that's enough Let's switch you say, before you gag And what's your revenge, you're on the rag. | |
Joke by Spoonfed, in Sex and shit > Oral Sex - Tagged oral , sex , oral sex - Current Score: 43 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| My old grandad once said to me "The problem with your generation is that you think you invented sex!" So I replied "Okay then, did you ever fuck grandma up the arse, pull it out and come in her face?" Turns out he did, that was how she died. | |
Joke by Spoonfed, in Sex and shit > Granny Shagger - Tagged grandma , grandad , sex - Current Score: 14 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Scientists have proven that cigarettes are harmful to the health of children. Fair enough, use an ashtray. | |
Joke by Spoonfed, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged kids , smoking - Current Score: 12 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| What's funnier than a dead baby in a trash can lid? A trash can lid in a dead baby. | |
Joke by Spoonfed, in Jokes with no home > Baby - Tagged baby , babies , dead babies - Current Score: 7 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
Custurd spent 0.05ms doing 13 queries and -0.02s processing. She's 0.12% angry.
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