Sticky's Profile - Sickipedia

Sticky's Profile Information:

Live in Essex, Work in London.
got 7 kids, but we've found out what's causing it and bought a telly instead.

[img]http://www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/61839/1206453631/me.bmp[/img]
This is me with My best friend
http://www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/61839/1208796719/noel.jpg

<img src="http://www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/61839/1208436144/elephant2.JPG"/>

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Sticky has a score of 4491 at the moment.
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The best of Sticky's 79 jokes (View All)

A man takes his rottweiler to the vet.
"Can you have a look at him," he says, "I think he's cross-eyed".
So the vet picks up the dog and examines him.
"I'm going to have to put him down," says the vet.
"Why, just because he's cross eyed?"
"No," says the vet, "because he's heavy!"

Joke by Sticky, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged dog , vet , sticky is a hamtoucher - Current Score: 210 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago

"Mummy, mummy, my best friend Jeremy has got a willy like a peanut"

"Do you mean it's small?"

"No it's Salty"

Joke by Sticky, in Sex and shit > Mummy Mummy - Tagged mummy , willie , peanut , mummy mummy - Current Score: 208 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"

Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.

"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yup," Dave say's, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.

Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.

Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw ... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Dave?"

Joke by Sticky, in Celebrity and news events > Pope - Tagged tom cruise , george busg , pope , bunty futtock , sticky is a hamtoucher - Current Score: 189 - Added: 11 months ago

Royal Wedding Night

Camilla bought new shoes for her wedding, which got increasingly tighter around her feet as the day went on.

That night, when the festivities were finally over and they finally retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are absolutely killing me!"

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales worked on her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge. "Harder!" yelled Camilla, "Harder!" Charles yelled back, "I'm trying, my darling! But it's just so blooming tight!"

"Come on, my prince! Give it all you've got!" she cried.

Finally, when the shoe released, Charles let out a loud groan and Camilla exclaimed, "Aaahh! Oh, God, that feels sooo good!"

In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, "See? I told you with a face like that, she would still be a virgin!"

Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh, bloody hell, darling! This one's even tighter!"

To which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, "That's my boy: once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"

Joke by Sticky, in Celebrity and news events > Camilla - Tagged camilla , anal , virgin , prince charles , queen , sex - Current Score: 177 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counsellor, and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was alright.

The boy said he was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself.

Approaching again, Sandy said, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here alone?"

"Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the fucking goalie."

Joke by Sticky, in Celebrity and news events > viagra - Tagged goalie , blonde , school , football , stupid - Current Score: 176 - Added: 11 months ago

When I got home last night my wife demanded I take her somewhere expensive.

So I took her to a petrol station.

Joke by sticky, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , petrol , david letterman - Current Score: 172 - Added: 4 months, 29 days ago

Top Tip:
Mourners: Read the dress-code of funeral invitations very carefully.
Sombre, while being only two letters away from Sombrero, is a world apart in tone.

Joke by Sticky, in Illness and mortality > Funeral - Tagged sombre , sombrero , viz , funeral - Current Score: 171 - Added: 5 days ago

Linford Christie's a bit bored one day, so he decides to take up golf. He goes down to the local course, walks in and says, "Hi, I'd like to join your golf club"
The receptionist calls the club captain, who comes to meet the former Olympic sprinter at reception. "Hi," says Linford "I'd like to join your golf club"
"I'm terribly sorry" says the club captain "but we don't let black people join our club, if you turn left out of the gates, there's a public course about 15 minutes up the road and they'll let you play there"
"I don't think you understand" says Linford "I'm Linford Christie"
"Oh I see, I'm terribly sorry" says the Captain " In that case the public course is five minutes up the road!"

Joke by Sticky, in Celebrity and news events > Linford Christie - Tagged golf , sticky sucks willies - Current Score: 164 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago

A lad is in a bus station, and goes into the toilets to piss. When he walks in he sees a Leprechaun with the most enormous dick he had ever seen. As he pees, he cannot avoid spying on the giant member of the tiny man dressed in green. The Leprechaun zips up and the lad asks him if he is indeed a real Leprechaun.

The little man says, "Aye me boy, I'm a Leprechaun, and I can grant you three wishes."

"Really?!" comes the reply, "What do I need to do?!"

"Well, havin' such a large cock makes it a bit awkward with the ladies, the thing not fittin' and all... I'll grant you your three wishes if you wouldn't mind suckin' me dick until I come." The lad is a bit taken aback, but agrees, because he knows he can wish for anything he wants later. The Leprechaun smiles away until he comes down the lad's throat.

The lad says, "Hey, what about my three wishes?"

The Leprechaun asks, "How old are you me boy?"

"18," he says.

"Aren't you a bit too old to still be believin' in Leprechauns?!"

Joke by Sticky, in Illness and mortality > Old people - Tagged old people , fairy , banker , women - Current Score: 160 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago

Do they have reserved parking places for "normal" people at the special Olympics?

Joke by Sticky, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged mongs , raspberries , crips , the crayon gang , paralympics - Current Score: 157 - Added: 2 months, 29 days ago

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