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The best of VAGINADINER's 8 jokes (View All)
| god sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied god, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. god explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "for example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people." god continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by god's work, then pointed to a small land mass and said, "What's that one?" "Ah," said god. "That's Britain, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams, and hills. The people from Britain are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace." Archangel Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about the balance, god? You said there will be balance!" god replied wisely, "Wait until you see the cunts I'm putting next to them in France." "Yes, to anyone still in disbelief, you're expected to believe the british are 'sociable, hard-working and high-achieving carriers of peace' I suppose the joke wouldn't work if it said 'racist, lazy, benefit scroungers pining for the glory days of slaughtering poorly armed natives by blindly following the yanks into one war after another.' suppose God really is a cunt then eh? |    |
Joke by VAGINADINER, in Religion and racism > God - Tagged god , south , england , earth , archangel michael , creation - Current Score: 69 - Added: 9 months, 23 days ago
| What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?.. About halfway... | |
Joke by VAGINADINER, in Celebrity and news events > Titanic - Tagged titanic , atlantic - Current Score: 51 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| God called Jesus into see him. "Jesus, have you found any work yet?" "Yes I have Father," replied Jesus, "I have found two jobs, one on Jupiter that pays £15,000 a year, and one on earth that pays £25,000 a year...." "So, where are you going to work then?" said God.. Jesus says, "I'm going to work on Jupiter, Father!" "God says, "But you've been offered £25,000 on Earth, and you're going to take £15,000 to work on Jupiter?.. So please answer me why, my son?..." "Well Father," says Jesus, "The last time I was on Earth, I was hammered with tax...." | |
Joke by Vaginadiner, in Religion and racism > Jesus - Tagged jesus , god , work , job , earth , tax - Current Score: 35 - Added: 8 months, 13 days ago
| I was out with a Liverpool lass the other night. I was just getting down to some serious heavy-petting when she whispered "That's nice, but your ring's scratching inside me.." I said, "It's not my ring, it's my watch!!" | |
Joke by Vaginadiner, in Sex and shit > Fingering - Tagged ring , scratching , wristwatch , fanny like a wizards sleeve , heavypetting , slack - Current Score: 33 - Added: 8 months, 14 days ago
| What do you call a dog with five dicks? Mariah Carey with Westlife....... | |
Joke by VAGINADINER, in Jokes with no home > What - Tagged maria carey , westlife , dog , dicks - Current Score: 17 - Added: 10 months, 5 days ago
| A Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University of Georgia in Athens. They would get together two or three times a week at the Varsity for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the "Experience". Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, is on crutches and has various bandages goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation." Reverend Billy Bob Jones spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle.. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus" They both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in a very bad shape. Rabbi Stein looks up and struggles to speak to the others. "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start things off"..... | |
Joke by VAGINADINER, in Religion and racism > Priest - Tagged priest , pentacostal , preacher , rabbi , bear , convert - Current Score: 12 - Added: 10 months, 4 days ago
| How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Just the one.............. two............. one............... two......................one-two...... | |
Joke by VAGINADINER, in Jokes with no home > Lightbulb - Tagged sound enginners - Current Score: 11 - Added: 10 months, 4 days ago
| What's the worst smell in the world? A kipper's cunt! | |
Joke by VAGINADINER, in Sex and shit > camping - Tagged smell , cunt , kipper , worst - Current Score: 7 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
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